Page 81 of Bought

Beneath me the city gleamed, all steel and glass.

“I know I haven’t been a good father to you, Isabel,” I said. “And you will never know how sorry I am for that. When your mother died, I was so furious with the world that I thought it was better to keep you away from me.” Slowly, I turned from my survey of the city and met her green eyes, so like Juliana’s. “But you have to know that I never blamed you for her death. She wanted you so much. She loved you from the moment you were conceived, and she would have given her life up a thousand times just so you could exist. We both would.”

The expression on Isabel’s face was taut with hurt and all I could feel was a deep, heavy regret that I had let it get to this point. That I’d distanced her for so long, putting at risk a relationship I valued more than any other.

This was my fault and I had to put my anger aside and fix it.

“If she could see the woman you’ve become,” I said, giving her the truth. “She…She would have been so proud. Just as I am proud.” I paused a moment. “I’m sorry, Isabel. I’m sorry for all the years I wasn’t there for you. And… It should have been me taking care of you, not Caleb.”

“Is that why you were so angry with him?”

She wasn’t wrong. There had always been a part of me resentful of him for that. But that had been my choice, not Caleb’s. And it wasn’t the whole reason for my anger.

“That’s part of it,” I admitted. “But you’re still twenty-three and he’s forty-two. He was your babysitter. Him taking you is a betrayal of trust that I—”

“Wait up,” she said coolly. “He didn’t ‘take’ me. I pretty much took him. I also don’t appreciate you acting as though I had no agency in this. I’m not a child, Dad. I knew what I was getting into with him. I know about fucking power imbalances. And I can’t believe I’m having this goddamn conversation with yet another man, but for fuck’s sake. I might be young, but I’m not naive. I’m an intelligent woman who can make her own choices and you have to start letting me. I will make mistakes, sure, but I can learn from them. That’s what being an adult is all about.”

Now all I could think about was Zara, telling me that Isabel was a grown woman who could make her own choices. Just as she had in choosing to be with me.

“He should have known better,” I muttered, still grappling with my anger.

“Jesus, didn’t you hear a word I said? If you’re going to blame anyone, blame me, for God’s sake.” She folded her arms. “Anyway, it’s moot point now. He told me he’d never let me go, but he did.”

She’d mentioned that before, but now I could fully hear the pain in her voice. I tensed. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said. I told you he didn’t want me. He went on and on about how he’d never let me go because he’s committed to this idea that he’s the world’s most terrible person. So, I told him that if he wasn’t going to give me his entire fucking soul then I’d walk out of there and he’d let me go. And since he didn’t want to give me his soul, he let me go.”

I didn’t know whether to be furious about that as well or relieved. One thing I did know was that I hated the pain in her voice.

But I’d had no idea Caleb felt that way about himself, which made his not wanting to give her his heart understandable. He must feel as if he didn’t deserve her, and he was right. He didn’t. Perhaps it was relief I should be feeling.

“Jesus, Isabel,” I said. “You seriously thought he might?”

Pain rippled across her face. “I’m not that unlovable, Dad. I thought it was a reasonable request.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Not that it makes any difference. Caleb’s convinced he’s a terrible person and is trying to protect me from himself. A fact which you did not in any way try to disabuse him of.”

I hadn’t. Which was the height of hypocrisy given my own actions. But really, this wasn’t about Caleb, and I knew it. It wasn’t even about Isabel. It was about me. About my experiences with Sir George and how he’d used me.

I wasn’t going to talk to Isabel about that, however, and I never would.

I turned back to the windows. “You shouldn’t have anything to do with him.”

“Why? Because he killed the man who would have killed him? Yes, I know all about that. He told me. But that doesn’t mean he’s beyond redemption. He’s also the most fiercely loyal man I know and the most protective, and he wants to do good by the people who are important to him. Not to mention that he’s had a shitty life, and no one has really taken care of him, not one single person.”

I wasn’t the only killer amongst us. Caleb had taken out the crime lord he’d once served and taken his empire into the bargain. Another small reminder of my own hypocrisy. How could I judge him? When I’d done the same thing?

And as to the rest, it was true. It was all true.

“Is that why you love him?” I asked, staring at the city beyond the glass. “Because you want to take care of him?”

“No.” Her voice had gotten husky. “I love him because he makes me happy.”

I felt that like a cut to the heart. Happy. When had she ever been happy? Given her childhood and a father who’d withdrawn emotionally so completely that he may as well have been a stranger to her?

Juliana would have hated what I’d done to our little girl. She would have been appalled.