Page 64 of Recollection

“I don’t want to hold on.”

“Me either. But we need to think. I don’t want to do this without thinking and then have you regret it.”

“I’m not going to—”

“I don’t have protection.”

“Oh.” I blink, the urgency of my desire taking a sudden nosedive at unavoidable realities.

“We could throw caution to the wind and do it anyway. But we might have to live with the consequences. And I’m still worried about you moving too fast before you’ve fully recovered. Can we take a little time and then decide?”

I’ve breathed deeply enough to calm the worst of my arousal. I’m still uncomfortable but not on the edge of frantic. I know he’s right. I might not like it, but I know he’s right. “A little time? So you’re not saying no for good?”

“Fuck no.” He finally sits up, shaking himself off with a little groan. “I’m clearheaded about wanting you, Scarlett. And if you can tell me you’ve thought about it and come to a conscious decision rather than giving in to physical desire, then I’m all in.”

I understand what he’s saying. This isn’t a rejection at all. My mind has been muddled lately. He didn’t say so, but we both know it’s true. He wants me to want this for real.

And that’s what I want too.

“Okay.” I sit up too, part of me relieved from the reprieve from a life-changing decision. “That makes sense. We shouldn’t have sex without protection since I’m not on birth control. There were some pills in my stuff, but I haven’t been taking them since I got back from the hospital. And the last thing I need to deal with right now is an unplanned pregnancy. So we need to at least get home. I can think it through then and make sure this is what I want.”

“That sounds good. This evening, after we’re home and you’ve had the time you need, you can let me know if this is still what you want.”

“Okay. I will.”

***

DESPITE THE TENSE INTERLUDE, the hike back is fun and companionable. I have just as good a time with Arthur as I did before our little roll on the blanket.

The drive is quiet but in a friendly, comfortable way. We listen to music and occasionally sing to the best songs.

At home, I feed Fred and then leave him with Billy, who has decided the dog is his soulmate and missed him for most of the day.

Then I go take a shower, keeping my hair out of the water so it doesn’t get wet. Afterward, I rub myself with spicy-scented lotion, brush out my hair, and put on a little satin robe, tying it closed over my otherwise naked body.

There.

I made my decision back up on the hiking trail. I’m as clearheaded about what I want as I’ve ever been in my life.

So I walk down the hall and knock loudly on Arthur’s bedroom door.

“Hold on,” he calls out immediately. It takes a minute or two for the door to swing open.

I stare across the threshold at his mostly naked body, still damp from a shower, covered with nothing more than a towel secured around his waist.

“Is everything all right?” he asks, sounding genuinely worried.

I frown. “Yes, it’s all right. I thought we agreed I’d let you know after I thought things through.”

His eyes widen. “Already? I wasn’t expecting anything until the evening.”

I redden with a hot wave of embarrassment. “Oh.” I turn quickly, deciding the best option here is to make an escape. “I misunderstood.”

I’m about to start running, but he grabs me before my first step. He turns me back around to face him and then hauls me into his room. “You didn’t misunderstand anything.”

“You were thinking this evening and I show up at your door about five minutes after—”

“You think I’m disappointed or annoyed? Seriously, Scarlett? Look at me.”