Page 80 of Recollection

But I’ve been broken too, and I need to figure out how to put myself together again.

***

AN HOUR LATER, I KNOCKon Arthur’s office door and ask if I can borrow a car.

I’m going to take Fred and drive to Charlotte to see Jenna.

I’ve never seen anything as bleak and frozen as the expression on Arthur’s face as he nods mutely and goes to his desk to get me a set of car keys.

“Are you okay to drive?” he asks softly.

“Yes.” Everything is like ice inside me. The details of the world are starkly defined, no detail blurred or masked.

“Are you... Are you leaving me?” His hand shakes slightly as he passes me the keys.

“I don’t know.”

“I’d like...” He clears his throat. “I hope we can talk again before you make any decisions.”

“I know” is all I say.

It feels like a stranger inhabiting my body, saying those words, moving my body, making me leave.

“I’ll figure out a way to get the car back to you.”

“Just keep it for now,” he says. “It’s the red BMW. I don’t need it. You can bring it back when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

We stand staring at each other.

I hate this. I hate myself. I hate everything about this moment. But I don’t know how to get out of it.

“I love you, Scarlett,” he says as I leave. “You were right. I was still afraid to trust. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m... It’s the first time in my life I’ve ever tried to do it, but that’s no excuse for breaking what we almost had. So I understand if you need to leave. I want you to... be strong, and you’re being strong right now. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. And no matter what you decide, I’m going to love you forever.”

I gasp. Freeze. That image that cracked in my head earlier in the library shatters completely—breaking into a thousand slivers and pieces.

The dark fog in my head lifts. There’s no barrier left to protect me. All of it hits. All the memories. All of them at once. Filling my mind, overflowing every boundary, coalescing into a complete picture.

It’s too much. Way too much.

The world darkens again—completely this time. And the last thing I remember is being unable to raise my arms to catch myself as I fall forward toward the floor.

***

ICOME BACK TO CONSCIOUSNESSaware of a slight headache.

Shifting my body slightly, I realize I’m in a bed. It must be morning. I hate waking up with a headache.

Baby.

The voice is disembodied, but I feel it in my chest. Iwantit. A little whimper catches in my throat at how much I want it.

“Scarlett, it’s time to wake up.”

This time I hear the words for real. A male voice. Low. Slightly raspy.

Beloved.