Page 41 of Saving Her Vampire

“His favorite way to control me was to pull me around by my hair. It was demeaning, scrambling to keep up as his fist was clenched in my hair. He would tear chunks out because of his rage. I wished every night that it wouldn’t grow back; it would be better if I were bald. He liked to drag me behind the house. He had a bench there that he would throw me on and whip me. He loved the sight of my pain, of my tears. He enjoyed inflicting humiliation. He felt like a god. I hated him, yet if he had changed his ways and apologized, I would have forgiven him. I was starving for love and acceptance. He used that to his advantage.

“He played with my need. Once a month, he would wake up, smile, and tell me we were having a special day. He told me to dress in my best clothes, which were the only pair of pants without holes. He would kiss my mom goodbye and take me into town. I was so excited the first time, even though he proved himself cruel every other day. We went to a bar in town. He gave me my first drink and took me upstairs. There were women there that were paid to have sex.

“He made me watch. I threw up after seeing the things he did. The next time, I was suspicious but still hopeful. This time, he told me he paid for my first time. He wanted to make me a man. I cried. I was twelve.”

I swallow thickly. “I refuse to go into details about those times. I will never tell you or anyone. Please do not ever ask me to. I had nightmares for years.” I stare out the window, avoiding her gaze. I hear the tears trickling down her cheeks.

“Life went on. I started to fill out but not enough to stop him. I rarely got a full stomach. My mom and I had to wait until he ate his fill before we were allowed to eat. I gave most of my food to my mom. He knew what I was doing but didn’t comment. It was the one thing I could give to her.

“We didn’t have holidays or birthday parties. Every day was the same. It was endless. He went to town by himself one day, and I lost it. I asked my mom to run away with me. She refused. I had turned seventeen. I begged her to come with me; we could escape together. She told me to go, that if she stayed, he would be less likely to come after me.

“My deepest shame is on that day. I hugged her as she cried, and then I left. She did the only thing she could to save me. That day has played through my head every day since, even now. What if I had stayed? What if I had tried harder? The questions drive me crazy.

“I couldn’t run to any friends because I didn’t have any. I was always alone. I ran. I hid. I stole food and money to survive another day. My father didn’t follow me.

“Eventually, I found Ryker. I begged him to change me. He could barely control me after he did. I did things that I never thought possible. For the first time, I felt powerful. I went back to our farm. I didn’t have a plan. I wanted to check on my mom and offer her the life that Ryker gave me. She wasn’t there, but my father was. He bragged to me about killing her. It was one thing, saying those things when I was human, but telling a new vampire you killed his mother was a decision he regretted. He didn’t know what I was, but he soon found out.

“I dragged him outside by his hair and put him on that bench. I followed the sequence of events he used on me, on him. He bled. He cried. It was poetic. I buried him there, under that bench that he bragged about killing my mom at. I burned his farm to the ground.

“I expected to feel free. To feel like he got what he deserved.” I finally turn around to look at her. “He deserved so much more. Killing him didn’t stop the nightmares or the loneliness of my life. It didn’t stop the guilt or shame. Sometimes, I wish someone could influence me like I did to them tonight. To just take the memories away. I will never forget the things he did to me, my mom, and others. I have learned how to shove it to the very back of my mind.

“Ryker is the only person that knows any of this. We were drunk as fuck when I told him. He swore to me never to tell anyone. I will ask the same of you.”

“I would never tell anyone,” she swears, her voice thick.

“Thank you,” I say. “I would never force you to be with me. I would never force you to stay with me. I don’t care what our friends say. You have a choice. You will always have a choice.” I hold her eyes, hoping my sincerity shows through. “I need to be alone.” I don’t give her time to respond, blurring to my room.

I sit on my bed, holding my head, willing the memories to go back into the steel cage that I keep them in.

Chapter Eleven

Marie

My heart is crying. It is crying for the little boy that wanted love. It is crying for the man that still feels the pain from that time years later. It is crying for the selflessness of Bash that will let me go if that is my choice. He would rather live his life with an unfulfilled Bond than force me to be with him.

How does he get through the day after what he has been through? The scope of his pain is unimaginable.

I sit heavily on the couch, traumatized by his words. No wonder he has been alone for so long. He is used to living in loneliness. My past pales in comparison.

I wish I wouldn’t have asked him to go to that club. I had no idea it would bring back such pain. It says so much about him that he did it for me. I was scared it would be hard for me to see those things, to be around so many people, and it was. The moment I couldn’t take anymore, he got me out. All he thought about was me.

A text message alert snaps me out of my thoughts. I absently pick it up. I have to look twice at it. It came from an unknown number.

The innocent will burn!

What the fuck? My first instinct is to show Bash. I stand to do that but sit down quickly. He’s been through a lot tonight. I don’t want to burden him with an idiot that is mad at me for telling his wife that he cheated. I have to think seriously about getting another job.

Bash forgot to set the security panel. I’ve seen him do it enough times; I have it memorized. After the door is secure, I quietly go to my room. I have to shower off the sickness of the night, and I want to respect Bash’s wish to be alone.

I have a lot to think about. He wants me to make a choice. Even though I know there is no other choice, I owe it to him to be sure. I want to be his everything. I want to give him the love and acceptance he has searched for.

***

I punch the pillow for the tenth time and roll over, trying to get comfortable. I’ve been lying here for two hours, not able to find sleep. My mind is too busy with what Bash shared. I am honored that he opened up to me; it took a lot of guts. I have no sympathy for his father’s death; he didn’t get half of what he deserved.

The gravity of my choice weighs on me. If I take that leap, he will turn me into a vampire. It might sound glamorous. Being able to live forever is intoxicating. Having superhero powers is intriguing. I’m not crazy about the blood part. I suppose when I am like him, it will be normal. I am grateful I can still eat regular food. What if I go crazy? Bash told me himself he was almost uncontrollable when he was turned.

I think of Serenity when Ryker turned her. She said it was as if it was meant to be.Although she had the urge to drink Ava’s blood, she didn’t go on a killing spree. Everyone said she took to the role of vampire beautifully.