Page 4 of Punishing Penelope

He grabs my arm, and it’s as if time slows for a moment. He opens his mouth to say something, and I’m suddenly afraid. I don’t know of what, but I know I’m not ready for it. I pull back and hurry ahead, catching up with Sandra and Cole. They’re arguing, and I don’t care to listen to yet another fight between them, so I drag my steps and fall in beside Peter again, acting like a complete moron.

Peter’s attention burns me, but Stephan is always around, and he’s sort of exciting, too. He’s aloof and off somehow. He smokes and drinks and doesn't give a fuck about anything. I know he’s been with a bunch of girls, and that’s sort of bad-boy exciting.

Even though everyone probably thinks I’m a total whore, I actually haven’t been with anyone, and I’m dying to get rid of my stupid ‘virginity.’ What fucking word is ‘virgin’ or ‘untouched’ anyway? Those innocent, pure-sounding words. What are you called after? Defiled? Polluted? Unclean?

Bleh.

Words. I like playing with words, but they have to mean something.

I glance behind me at Stephan—danger, massive manliness, experience. Then at Peter next to me—safety, eagerness, care, calm.

I think Peter’s in love with me. The thought does funny things to my insides, and I can’t get enough of that feeling of being special to someone.

Stephan, on the other hand… I don’t know. He seems to be into me, but maybe I’d just be another notch in his belt. Or maybe he’d sweep me away on his bike, we’d get a bunch of tats and piercings, smoke, drink, and conquer the world.

Can you be in love with two people? Maybe I can have both? Every other day? Like one chill day with Peter Hale with lots of the cozy, and the next day, exploring the forbidden with Stephan.

Or maybe that’s an awful idea?

I’d screw it up big time, and there’d be fights and general ugliness.

Ugh.

Why is life so complicated?

I poke Peter in the side, experimentally. He twitches, then grabs my hand. Like the other day, a thrill runs through me, and suddenly, he doesn’t seem that safe. He has a glint in his eyes, a hint of depth and darkness, everything I like, all the things that make my belly jittery. My heart throbs, beating as hard as when I jump off a cliff, shoplift, or back when I illegally drove my dad’s car. This means something. This is as real as it gets, and life suddenly seems simple again.

It’s Peter… no one but Peter.

“Hey, there!” he says quietly. “What’s with the tickle fest?”

I glance around us, then nudge his hip with mine. “You looked like you were totally somewhere else.”

“Yeah?” He’s still clenching his hand around my fingers, and my heart does funny little somersaults. Not that safe at all. He leans closer and puts his mouth to my ear.

“Where else would I wanna be?”

I swallow, then swallow again, my mouth suddenly parched. Eyes burn my back, and I pull out of his grip, but the feeling of his touch lingers. I wonder what his hands would feel like on other parts of my body, then have to cross my arms over my chest to hide how my nipples turn into hard little peaks.

It’s not only guys our age who are horny all the time. That’s a stupid myth. I’m positively ravaged by hormones day and night. It used to be the wild guy behind me, with his tats and his untamed, shoulder-length hair, but lately, Peter has stepped forward in my private spank bank. Now, I can’t stop freaking thinking about him.

Suddenly, I need to breathe because someone’s closeness is just too much. I drag my steps until I’m at the back of the group, next to Lexi and Liam. They’re quiet and look as content as always, walking hand in hand. I hook my arm in Lexi’s.

“Hey, you.” She squeezes me a little tighter. “This is nice. Thanks for asking us.”

I tap my fist to my chest. “You’re here, girl. Why wouldn’t I?”

My redheaded little Lexi is cool. She thinks, reads, and wants to talk about politics, the environment, and the meaning of life. Her mom and dad are teachers, both of them in the next town north, and she’s alone a lot. We’ve been friends since we threw sand at each other and fought over mud cakes when we were five. Maybe we would have drifted apart, but with her and Liam together, our gang is complete. We all live with a feeling of being on the outside looking in, which glues us together, I guess.

Lexi fires off a smile that reveals her deep dimples. “Didn’t your sister wanna come?”

I stiffen, feeling like crap even though she can’t come with. It’s totally out of the question. Savannah’s only fourteen. We’re not supposed to be here, and I don’t want to put her in danger. She has brains and A-grades, and I’ll do everything in my power to always protect her.

“Nah, she’s never up for anything fun. Always her nose in a book, ya know.”

Lexi smiles. “She’s such a sweetheart.”

She is. She’s also Mom and Dad’s pride and joy and their only hope for someone who’ll actually use the meager college funds.