Page 69 of Shame

Swallowing hard, I fight the instinct to run, and instead sit on the chair opposite him. He regards me, then he bends, picks something up off the floor and tosses it over the table. It skids toward me and comes to a halt when I slam my hand down on it. It’s a plastic bag filled with clothes. My clothes.

I look up at him. “What’s this?”

“You’re one lucky son of a bitch, Payne. You’re free to go. Just stay out of my way, or I’ll fucking kill you no matter what the boss says.” His light green eyes are ice-cold, like frozen glaciers.

“Why?” I should just seize the opportunity and run, but I have to ask. Things are getting more surreal by the minute.

“Apparently the little whore you love so much got herself pregnant with Luci’s baby. He wants the boy. She wants you. There’s been arrangements made for an exchange.”

I gape. There are too many pieces of information at the same time. She’s alive. She’s around. She’s had a baby! His baby? I’m free?

“So… I’m free to go?”

Eric scoffs, his lips curled as he gives me a once-over. “You’re being picked up. Salvatore can’t risk you disappearing on him. But don’t worry. You’ll get your precious whore.”

I want to scream at him not to fucking call her that, but I’ll take it. For now. I’ll keep my mouth shut and play along.

“An exchange?”

He stands abruptly. “Are you deaf? Yes. Now get dressed for fuck’s sake.” He rips open the door and slams it shut, clearly not a happy camper.

I find all my stuff in the bag. My clothes. The keys to my apartment and car. My phone - the battery dead of course. My wallet. Everything is there. I get dressed faster than I’ve done before in my life and throw the orange jumpsuit on the floor, resisting the urge to spit on it. Pocketing my belongings, I then open the door and peek out. The same two guards as before escort me through the building and all the way out to a waiting car. Outside stands Christian, a cigarette in his hand. When he sees me, he tosses it and opens the back door.

“Get in, you piece of shit.”

Inside sit Ivan and Eric, both oozing of hostility. I guess I see their point. It’s one of the most uncomfortable rides in my life. No one says a word, but the poorly held-back loathing in their gazes makes me sit as if frozen. I shouldn’t exhale with relief as we reach the Salvatore residence, but I fucking do.

They escort me to his office, where I’ve stood so many times, seemingly on his side, awaiting orders.

Salvatore stands and walks around his desk with measured steps. We’re almost the same height, and contrary to many of the people he meets, I don’t have to crane my neck to look him in the eyes.

The punch to my stomach is sudden. I wasn’t prepared and didn’t have time to tense up. All air leaves my lungs as I double over. Christian and Eric grab my arms and pull me up. Salvatore hits me again and again. Face, stomach, face. He ends it by kneeing me in the groin. My knees fold and I fall to the floor, goosebumps racing along my back as nausea rises and falls in me from the searing agony between my legs. Blood drips from my nose and mouth and soaks into the expensive carpet. Now I know why he chose a red one.

“I am to deliver you alive. Your precious Carmen forgot to mention in what state.” He spits at me, the glob ending up on my cheek. “You piece of shit. You absolute fucking snake. And to think I took you in, gave you a chance.”

I wipe off the spit and rise on unsteady knees, the pain from my balls shooting all the way to my scalp.

“What the fuck did you expect?” I grit out.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He glares at me with utter contempt. Christian and Eric stand behind me, silent.

“You knew we were together. You knew it, and you did everything to crush her, to crush me.” I spit blood on his precious oriental carpet. “Guess you failed, huh?”

His punch nearly knocks me unconscious. I fall. Their voices are muted, as if from a distance.

“Lock up the fucker. Out of my sight. The exchange will be tonight.”

“I’ve got the tickets,” says Eric. “Nineteen hundred. I also got the passports.”

I have no idea what they’re talking about, and as they drag me away, only one thing plays on repeat in my mind. Carmen. She’s alive, and she’s saved my life.

Carmen

Elena drives us in her Mercedes. It’s old, but well maintained. I have five tickets. Three for now, for the baby, Elena and myself. They’re only for the exchange. Then I have tickets for Lucas and myself, to get the hell out of here for good and never look back.

I look at David where he sits in his seat. Elena borrowed one from somewhere. I really do hope he’ll be all right, that there will be some paternal instincts in the monster. I hope he’ll find a woman, a nanny, someone who will hug the boy. He doesn’t have to grow up a monster himself. He has pieces of me in him. He can be good, and decent.

My chest tightens. Am I condemning him to Hell? What am I doing?