Page 13 of Scary & Bright
“Because…” I began, gazing up at the stone ceiling overhead, craving the days when I could look up and see the sky from inside my study. “Because I am not certain I can follow through with it this time.”
The little stuffed animal took several steps backward and looked up at me with crossed arms.
“I won’t stand here and pretend I am not at least vaguely pleased to hear this news, my dear Krampus,” he said with the scholarly, matter-of-fact tone he always had when he was prepared to hop back on his soapbox. “Perhaps now you’ll be willing to try something new? Something different?” He cocked one little stumpy leg out defiantly.
“We’ve been over this countless times, Mister,” I groaned, stumbling to my chair with slumped shoulders. “There is too much at stake here to experiment with all your theories and hypotheticals.” I sank into the chair and rested my elbows on my knees, cradling my face in my hands. Even with my vision blocked by my palms, all I could picture in my mind’s eye was her and her big green eyes gawking back at me from behind that miserable cell.
“And we’ve also been over how this—all of this—is not sustainable, Krampus!” Mister Bear shot back with exasperation. “If things don’t change here, if you don’t change, then it’s all going to go up in smoke at some point, now, isn’t it?”
I stayed silent and refused to confirm or deny the bear’s claim. The weight of the iron collar around my neck was heavy on my shoulders. I had become infinitely more aware of its presence since descending into the basement to meet my guest. It was a permanent reminder of my role in fueling the magic, to keep the balance between naughty and nice, good and evil.
It was just the luck of the draw that I’d landed in my position. If it hadn’t been me, it might have been him. If it hadn’t been him, it would have been someone else. Santa Claus got the bargain end of the deal. He got to be the good guy whose image was a symbol of childhood joy and wonder. To say that I resented him was putting it mildly, at best. But still, who would I be if I denied the magic to all those children? To all the world? Such was my burden, and it grew heavier and heavier with age.
“I’m sorry that I am the only one calling it like it is, Krampus.” Mister sighed as I felt his plush body climb up my knee to take a seat on the arm of my chair. “But look at you. You’ve let this task wear you down to nothing. Look at this castle! It used to be gorgeous, full of light and laughter and games. Now there’s not even a single window in this whole forsaken place.”
I knew he was right. There was no denying that the shift within me was more evident than I was regularly willing to admit.
“This whole place is a reflection of you, and I know you know that,” Mister continued, leaning his fluffy head against my arm as I remained as still and silent as a statue. “But when are you going to take a chance? Make a change? There are old toys who remember who you used to be, and they miss it. I miss it. Whether you want to believe it or not, you are still needed, my friend.”
His words were like a Band-Aid over a mortal wound. I knew he meant well, and while the sentiment was appreciated, it did next to nothing to solve the problem at hand.
“Now,” Mister said after another moment of uncomfortable silence, “since I’ve said my fair piece, would you like to shed some light on why this time is so different? What happened to interrupt your dastardly deed?”
I lifted my face from my hands. His invitation to speak about her sparked a tiny flame within me, and my heart began to flutter as I came to the understanding that I wanted to speak about her. I wanted to tell Mister all about how special and miraculous she was, even though I hadn’t even heard her voice.
“Our guest is… She’s…” I started to explain, wanting to get my description right the first time, trying desperately to craft the most perfect phrasing to let Mister know just how impactful that moment had been when I saw her for the first time.
“She’s a she!” Mister exclaimed as he removed his head from my shoulder and smacked me on the arm playfully. “I should have known, but to hear it from you is, oh my stars, Krampus, it’s just a treat. A treat!”
I turned to the teddy bear with a straight face, trying to convey without words that I was far from ready to make light of this situation or to be teased about how I was feeling. It felt too new, too precious to soil with Mister’s jabs.
“Oh, I’m sorry for interrupting,” Mister said with his one marble eye wide with sympathy. “I let myself get out of hand for a moment. Ahem. Please, if you don’t mind, go on.” The little bear settled himself back on the arm of the chair and put his paws delicately in his lap, ready to listen.
“She’s stunning, Mister.” I sighed, feeling the stars flicker behind my eyes. “She reminds me of spring flowers and sunshine. She reminds me of fireflies, fresh lemons, and all the warm and happy parts of the world that I’ve been torn away from for years.” The words now came like water erupting from a burst dam. Once I started, I knew there was no stopping it.
I rose from my seat and turned to the teddy bear, who was sitting with his mouth gaping open like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“I don’t know how to explain it, and I don’t know what this is,” I explained. “I haven’t felt good in a long time, and I looked at her one time, and I felt—I felt good. It was, it was really nice, you know? Honestly, I could smack the hat off the Christmas Spirit for bringing her to me, and frankly, I can’t imagine how her name landed on the Naughty List, to begin with. I can’t see how she’s ever done anything wrong in her entire life.”
Immediately, I felt a dark cloud begin to hover, darkening the light within me. I knew that no matter how wonderful I thought she was, no matter how much happiness she brought me or could bring me, there was no changing what had to be done. There was no changing my destiny and the fate I’d been locked into.
“Is she still down there?” Mister asked, rubbing his paws together nervously.
“No,” I admitted, pushing my long black hair over my head between my horns. “It’s cold down there, and I know it must have been uncomfortable for her.”
“So…” Mister urged, leaning his chin forward to encourage me to get to the point.
I knew I had to tell him what I’d done, and I knew he would explode with joy at what he would claim was direct evidence of my changing nature, but truthfully, it was just an impulse that I already regretted. All I had done was delay the inevitable and make it harder for myself in the end. My inner masochist was dancing on my heart.
“So, I told Starlight she could have her choice of rooms,” I said quickly, tossing my head back with internal frustration.
Mister’s stitched smile curled up to either side with a Grinchy deviousness as if he were waiting for me to admit I’d done such a thing, and he was just so pleased to have suspected it all along.
“Well, well, well.” He snickered. “The Big Bad Krampus does have a heart. It’s not frozen over after all.”
“It was selfish of me to do.” I sighed, dropping my head back to the front. “Whether she’s in the castle proper or locked in the basement, her fate and mine will ultimately be the same. The balance must be kept, after all.” Being unable to stand still any longer, I returned to my pacing just to keep my blood flowing.
“You’ve already taken the first step, though,” Mister said as he hopped off the chair and began to follow me around the top of the Great Tree. “Whether you’re keen to admit it or not, Krampus, you’ve given her access to the castle, and the castle is, as you know, a direct representation of you.”