Page 24 of Scary & Bright
I had told Mister to gather a few toys for an informal meeting to discuss our next move. When it came to making decisions, I felt like my brain worked better when I had others to bounce ideas off of, but in this particular case, I was finding the opposite to be true. The excessive thoughts and opinions had done little but cloud my brain and judgment.
“Look, I’m sorry, everyone!” I roared, trying to get back in a direction that felt productive. “But as you can imagine, this is just really nerve-racking, you know?” Truthfully, it was beyond nerve-racking. My entire existence in the South Pole and the actions I was forced to take were always a source of stress and an ongoing moral dilemma, but this? The feeling I was experiencing on behalf of Holly’s presence in my home was so much more. It was painful, it was beautiful, and at this point, I was doing anything to distract myself from the inevitability that doomed her as well as myself.
So, I had invited the toys to pitch ideas about what they might do if they were me. Unfortunately, I hadn’t considered that every single one of these toys had lived their entire previous lives living selflessly for another soul. They were used to serving, to taking care of their kids and being there for them in any way they were needed. Their lives were entirely in service of another for nothing but love’s sake. They had no other perspective for advice but that.
But, of course, with every one of their suggestions came the nagging reality that this wasn’t a fairy tale, and I wasn’t a handsome prince. My fear of heartbreak and rejection manifested into ire as I shot down every one of their ideas with a venomous spite that none of them deserved. In return, they were growing frustrated with me, and I was growing more and more frustrated with myself.
“Nobody is mad at you, Kramp,” Mister Bear said, trying his best to keep his tone in check. “We’re all just trying to help, but you have to actually let us help!”
“I know, I know, and I do sincerely apologize,” I said as I began to rub my temples to calm myself down. “I know you’re all trying to help.”
Dozens of sets of toy eyes gave me their attention, all of them wide with hope, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was letting them all down with my sad sack act.
“But I can’t shake the feeling that, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to convince her to give me a chance,” I admitted.
“Well, you won’t know until you try!” the spaceman said, raising his laser sword in the air. “You just have to believe in yourself and believe in the power of kindness.”
“Save the inspirational act, moon-man,” Mister clucked, knowing me better than any other toy in the room. “He hasn’t believed in himself or literally anything outside of his personal misery and damnation for centuries.”
“All right!” I hollered, still trying to turn this meeting into a productive brainstorming session instead of… whatever it was devolving into. “Why don’t you all suggest some things women tend to like? I know most of your collective experience exists in the entertaining and care of children, but you had to have picked up something from your time in the world. Children have mothers, yes? Let’s hear them.”
Immediately, there was no semblance of rhyme or reason as the suggestions flew out of the group like confetti.
“Girls like jewelry!”
“Yeah! Expensive jewelry! Diamonds!”
“No, no, women like you to make an effort for once! Like doing the damned dishes or folding the damned laundry… At least that’s what I heard. The damned part seemed important.”
I shot my gaze around my study, trying to identify who was saying what, but it was nearly impossible. I had opened the floodgates and was now staring into the face of pure chaos.
“Flowers!”
“Flowers!? In the North Pole!? Where’s he gonna get flowers?”
“I don’t know! Where does he get anything!?”
“Feats of strength! Fight someone on her behalf. Women love that.”
Unfortunately, as the toys continued to shoot their shot to see what stuck, I wasn’t hearing anything that didn’t sound absolutely ridiculous. While I was sure women appreciated these things, none of them made sense for my particularly unique situation. I knew I needed to take things slowly, but that was just my issue—how should I approach her? Especially knowing that there was only one way things could end.
Selfishly, all I wanted was time with her. I wanted the opportunity to know her, and to make the fantasy in my head come to life, if only for a brief time.
“These are all great ideas, I’m sure,” I said, cutting off the continued group rambling. “But none of them are perfect for me. Now, I’m not expecting any of you to come up with an entire plan on my behalf, but let’s try to narrow this conversation down to one thing at a time.” All the toys went stone silent, waiting for me to continue directing the conversation. “Do you think we could come up with a way for me to introduce myself without scaring the pants off of her?”
“Absolutely!” Mister Bear exclaimed, doing his part to help keep things under control. The little stuffed animal climbed up on the arm of the big chair and then continued to hoist himself up until he was standing along the back edge of it. “Now, let’s try to discuss this like the mature, organized toys I know we can all be. By a show of hands, who would like to speak first?”
“Before we kick this off, I’d really like to remind everyone of two things,” I interrupted, wanting to be entirely sure we were all on the same page.
“First, look at me.” I chuckled, trying to hide my embarrassment. “I’m not exactly winning any awards for attractiveness, so anything relying on my physical charm is out of the question.” Trying to ignore the sympathetic faces of the toys, I moved on. “Secondly, we have to remember she is frightened, worried, and it’s not like I can outright lie to her and say that nothing bad is going to happen to her.”
A wave of awkward mumbles to one another erupted from the crowd of toys, assuring me that they were all under the impression that things were definitely changing around here. But as long as the iron collar was fastened around my neck, things wouldn’t change. They couldn't change. At least not permanently.
“Um, okay then,” Mister Bear announced, visibly shaken by my second statement. “So, who’d like to speak first?”
Much to my surprise, a tiny arm belonging to an old doll with a bonnet and embroidered felt face stuck itself in the air. It appeared to be the only one with something to say.
“Yes, my dear?” Mister asked, gesturing to the doll.