Page 38 of Scary & Bright
“This is just one of the reasons why you’re so lucky to have me,” Starlight said with a hint of sarcastic elitism.
The horse and I made our way down the spiraling balcony toward the warmth of the kitchen. Observing the castle from this side of things was an entirely different experience, and I found myself appreciating it more as I was able to identify the faces in the portraits on the walls. I also smiled at the sight of every new window. It felt good to have forward momentum, even if I still couldn’t see the finish line. When Starlight had initially found me in the library, she said Krampus and I were in love. She said everyone could see it, as if it were obvious. When she’d first said it, I brushed it off. Sure, I liked him. Sure, he liked me. Sure, I was even ready to admit that things could be more. But after learning about Krampus’s intention to sacrifice his own well-being for mine… something else had stirred in my heart.
Self-sacrifice… bravery…
If that wasn’t love, I wasn’t sure what was.
17
KRAMPUS
When Holly told me she needed some time to herself, it was hard not to take it personally, but it forced me to remember that we were not actually attached at the hip. It also gave me the chance to do something I’d been meaning to do but hadn’t quite had the chance.
I made my way to my study at a leisurely pace, still trying to appreciate every minute of this time even when Holly wasn’t immediately beside me. The sun was on full alert that day, shining its rays through the castle windows, sending a spotlight of sun onto the floors. It was rare that the sky was clear enough to experience unfiltered sunlight, and I was of the mind that it was something of a good omen. Everything felt like a good omen. The past ten days had reintroduced so many emotions to me that I almost felt like an alien or a ghost having to learn what happiness was, what joy was, what comfort was, but above all—what hope was.
The iron creaked under my weight as I carefully ascended the stairs. Before I even stepped onto the platform itself, I could hear Mister Bear padding about and humming to himself. I had stopped questioning what the little stuffed bear did in his time alone because he was always getting into something and barely any of it was interesting. At least not to me. I’d learned that the hard way when he talked my ear off for days about the alphabetizing system he was going to implement in the libraries, or how he saw the most perfect spider web hanging between two of the balcony banisters. I loved seeing him busy, though, and finding things to do with his eternity of free time.
I was coming to realize there were a lot of things I loved that I’d never truly given thought to. Such was life when you were experiencing the rapid thawing of a long-frozen heart.
“Good morning to you, Krampus!” Mister Bear announced after clearing his throat. “Pardon me for not coming to greet you this morning, and I certainly hope you’re not coming up here to reprimand me for slacking on my normal duties. It’s just that, well, you’ve seemed preoccupied.” The words fell out of his mouth in rapid succession, making me realize that I may have been failing in more ways than one. He scampered over to me as if he were waiting for instructions on what to do next or what I needed from him.
“Not at all, Mister,” I said calmly. “You’ve done nothing wrong this day or any other that I can think of, so you can relax.”
“Oh.” The bear halted, dropping his hands to each side. “Well in that case…” He waltzed over to the armchair and hoisted himself up. “I would be lying if I said I wasn’t on absolute pins and needles to hear how things have been going with your Miss Hollis Nash.”
My ears burned, and I could feel the blood rush into my cheeks. I knew there was no hiding my feelings, not that I felt particularly inclined to. I was just hyper aware that the silent, pensive, and powerful persona I had spent centuries cultivating was disappearing bit by bit.
“Things are going about as well as they possibly can, considering the circumstances.” I shrugged, allowing the smile I felt brewing in my chest to spread across my face. “She’s everything I knew she would be. Beautiful, smart, witty, funny, and strong in a way that I wish I was.”
Mister Bear leaned to the side and patted the seat of the armchair, silently asking me to take a seat and tell him more. I wanted to. I hadn’t had much of an opportunity to sing her praises, and I wanted to lean into it. I wanted to tell every toy in the castle about her. I wanted to write a novel. I wanted to shout it from the roof of the castle and hope the South Pole winds would carry my words to the end of the earth and beyond.
“Why do I feel like there’s a but coming?” Mister asked, correcting his posture and sitting straight up.
“But I’m still not certain your theory will work. I’m not certain of anything save for the fact that I won’t hurt her. I can’t.” I tilted my head forward as I spoke, my black hair falling over my face. I could ignore reality for a long time, but not forever. Eight days was all we had left together before the inevitable—more than halfway to the finish line, and it broke my heart. “I would rather suffer for an eternity than exist in a world where she dies.”
“You’re really a piece of work, you know that?” Mister asked after forcing me to sit through a painful pause.
I came prepared, though. I knew the plush bear wasn’t going to let me get away without adding his two cents to the pot.
“After all these years of blowing me off,” he ranted, “of acting like it was impossible for you to tap into the part of your heart you’re in right now, you still doubt yourself? You doubt the method? You doubt my idea? Fine.” He crossed his stuffed arms in a huff, clearly unhappy with the avenue I’d chosen.
“Krampus, I’ve been your friend for a long time. Longer than any other toy,” the bear continued after taking a deep breath. “This is your chance, and if you don’t take it, I can’t speak for what comes next. I know you have to choose to try, though. Your brother is not one to listen to reason or accept alternative solutions to his own, so if you’re ready to throw in the towel and accept his way of doing things, that simply fuels his fire.”
I could see the little bear getting more and more frustrated. So many years of him giving me advice and urging me in this one particular direction had culminated in this moment. It was like the planets were aligning themselves in the most perfect way, and I was pretending I didn’t see it.
But I did see it.
What Mister Bear didn’t know, and what I didn’t want to tell him, was that I’d been ready to throw in the towel for much longer than I was willing to admit. What the bear was seeing as an opportunity to change the tune, I was seeing as an opportunity to stop the music. I’d heard the perfect tune, and now I was ready for all of it to end. There was just something I really wanted to do before things came to an end, and I had neither the time nor the interest in debating the topic any more.
“Mister, I don’t mean to be rude,” I said as I quickly walked to my desk. There was something I needed, and I hoped it was still in the desk drawer where I was nearly certain I’d seen it last. “But I’m in a bit of a hurry. There’s something I want to take care of while Holly’s taking some time to herself.”
I flopped down in the chair behind my desk and began rummaging through the drawers. I could have sworn I saw it in one of them, but I couldn’t recall which, and I couldn’t recall how long ago it was.
“What could you possibly be looking for, Kramp?” Mister asked as he rolled on his stomach to allow himself to slide off the chair.
I sighed and slammed the final drawer shut, unsuccessful in my search.
“Mister, do you have any idea what I did with that old velvet bag?” I asked, pushing my hair back over my head. “You know the one… the one that Nik gave me forever and a half ago. Looks just like his, but… but way smaller?”