Page 101 of Love on Deck
“Space?” Amelia scoffed. “That’s what you call avoiding us half the time? Or leaving early every night? Or not coming out with us in Miami for my bachelorette party?”
“I’d planned a spa night like you wanted!”
“I didn’t want that. You just suggested it and I didn’t want to be rude.”
That hurt. Her words slammed into me like a heavyweight champion. “But you were so relieved when I said I would stay at the hotel. Same with the hot tub when I left after Sydney made things awkward. You were always relieved when I left.”
“Because I didn’t think you wanted to be there, so I was glad you didn’t feel obligated to stay! You’re always so busy working or thinking of work or talking about work. I feel like an obligation to you and it sucks. I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re a burden, too.”
Suckerpunch right to the gut. Man, she could really deliver painful blows. My hands dropped from the counter when I took a step back. Yes, I had been a bit of a workaholic before, but I had always cared about my sister. I didn’t avoid her or resent spending time with her. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“You’re not really in a position to ask that question right now.”
Fair enough. “It’s not true. You aren’t a burden or an obligation.”
“Just not as important as Hunnam Hotels?”
My chest constricted. “That’s not... Amelia, I care about doing well at my job. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you too.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“Not anymore,” I muttered. Now that I was jobless.
Kevin and Jack shared a look before slipping out of the kitchen and down the hall. I didn’t try to stop them.
Amelia was tired. She’d gone through a lot this weekend and it was evident in the weary bend of her shoulders. She sucked in a breath and shakily let it out. “So you didn’t think I wanted you to hang out with us?”
“You were always telling me it was fine to go and then looking massively relieved when I agreed.”
She shook her head.
How did we get here? The age gap and the way I’d always cared for her had given me a motherly relationship, but we were sisters above all.
“I’m not a child anymore, Lauren. You don’t need to constantly take care of me. Just be honest. If we can’t talk to each other about how we’re feeling, we’ll never be close.”
“You know that goes both ways, right?”
“Yes. I should have told you that I thought you cared more about your job than you did me.”
“I’m sorry you ever felt like I wouldn’t want to be around you, Ames. I just felt like a grandma around your friends. But I like Cara, and I always like spending time with you. I don’t care about anyone or anything more than I care about you.”
“I know,” she said. “Despite all this, I really do know that.” She groaned, rubbing her eyes. “I wish we could redo the cruise. I would never send you away. It was so nice finally getting to spend time together without your stupid laptop between us.”
“Hey,” I said defensively. “I haven’t brought my laptop out at all since I quit this morning.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “It’s okay that you like working. We both just need to communicate more.” She came around the island and pulled me in for a tight hug. “Just... maybe when you’re picking your next job, find something that doesn’t suck your life away.”
“I’ll put that on my LinkedIn.”
She smiled at me, and I felt the weight of our conversation lift away. Her explanations were valid, and my interpretations still made sense, but now we could move forward without all the wrong assumptions we each held. I never wanted her to feel like she mattered less than work, and she obviously didn’t want me to feel like I was less important than her friends. Having the truth out in the open was promising, and while I felt raw from the last few days of emotional ping pong, I also had hope that things could only get better from here.
“All better now?” Kevin asked, coming back from around the corner.
“Your idea of privacy is eavesdropping from the hall?” Amelia asked, swatting her husband’s arm.
Jack followed, leaning one shoulder on the wall and crossing his arms over his chest. His gaze was steady on me, making my body tingle with awareness.
“Like you wouldn’t have told me everything when we left?” Kevin took Amelia’s hand. “Now you don’t have to try and remember the details.”