Page 35 of Shamelessly Loyal
He shot me a narrow-eyed look. “It’s hard to suppress an autonomic function, especially when it has something to do with a powerful emotion.”
“Maybe. Not saying I agree, but why do you think this person must have a powerful emotion where you’re concerned?” I wasn’t trying to be a bitch, I genuinely wanted to know. It takes much effort to hate just one person. You’re presuming that you are that one person for this figure. Only what if you aren’t? What if you’re one in a series of obstacles?”
His frown deepened.
I shrugged and shifted in the seat again, then glanced out the window. He’d woken me up by eating me out to the point I couldn’t see straight, and then he’d pushed into me again. It was phenomenally better than the night before. Even then, I’d been sore afterward.
I could still feel the weight of him inside me, on me, all around me. It sent a shiver racing over my skin. If I licked my lips, I could taste him too. The things I’d done with Pretty Boy were all amazing things I’d heard about, read about, andseenin person, even if I’d never been allowed to participate.
The closest had been a guy named Pierce in my junior year. For four short, glorious weeks, we’d gone on three dates, regularly talked on the phone, and finally shared one intimate kiss that ended with his hand under my shirt. Then the banes of existence barged in and I never saw Pierce again.
Adam had been downright incensed, but Ezra had stunned me with how he’d bodily hauled Pierce out of the bedroom at the Tarkington Estate. The party had been one I’d looked forward to because it was an escape from boarding school.
Of course, Ezra and Adam showed up to spoil my fun. Adam dragged me out of there and into his car. Then he’d driven me back to school. When I walked away, he caught me on the road and the next three days were made a thousand percent worse because they ultimately held me prisoner in a hotel.
Just thinking about their barbaric behavior and double standards could incense me. Their hateful attitudes and controlling behavior, however, had been a fact of our lives. Adam hadn’t had a kind word to say to me since I was nine or ten. I didn’t know what changed, but he went from thoughtful and considerate to a complete bastard and never turned back.
He was seven years older than me. I thought at first it was just being a teenager, but he grew worse as we grew older.
Before then…?
“I don’t know what would be worse,” Pretty Boy said, finally pulling me back to our conversation. “The idea that I’m just a number? That all this shit has happened to me, to Liam…because of being a statistic?”
I shook my head. “Hate can fight fire. Hate can fuel a battle. Apathy ends it. There is nothing more terrifying than bland indifference. It’s the same amount of energy you devote to deciding whether you want Chinese or Thai. Neither type of food is crucial to your existence. Just the fact that it is food. You’re an obstacle someone wants to remove. It doesn’t mean you’re anything more than a pothole rather than a speed bump.”
“Jesus, Mayhem,” Pretty Boy’s frown darkened further as he glanced at me. “That’s a cynical worldview for someone—”
“For someone what? A girl like me? A spoiled brat?” I dared him to take it to the conclusion.
“No, just…the ability to think anyone who would spend the kind of time and effort on killing a person, might be absolutely indifferent to that person and just to what they represent or block, is pretty damn disturbing.”
He sounded so…honestly, troubled that I almost laughed. Almost. Maybe I was cynical. My world certainly didn’t reward naïveté. The fact he could believe so much in other people’s motivations?
I didn’t quite know what to do with that.
“I have found that some of the coldest decisions are made when a person genuinely doesn’t care about how the outcome affects someone else. Particularly if they see it only as a means to an end. The thing is, whether they win or lose, it’s a statistic, a check mark. For you, it’s your life…or your freedom.”
He cut me a sharp look at that. I had to wonder, since he’d brought up prison a couple of times now. Was being in prison just another volley in their war?
After that, he said nothing else. I felt for him, I really did. Back at their place, he hustled me inside and away from the others. Though one of his friends—Kellan, maybe— I thought that was his name anyway, was waiting for him to talk.
In his room, alone for the first time since deciding to throw myself all into the crazy sexy times, I sank onto the sofa and blew out a breath. I genuinely did ache everywhere, though it was the best kind of soreness.
The violent awareness of his cock seemed permanently imprinted in my pussy. That, and the way his hands and mouth were on my breasts. Closing my eyes, I could taste the sharp bitterness on the back of my tongue and then feel his tongue as it traced my clit.
The last twenty-four hours had been insane. If I’d told myself even a week ago that I would be involved with Emersyn’s mysterious, dark, and dangerous brother, I would have laughed.
Now, I couldn’t fathom how I’d gone from there to here. The last thing I wanted to do was walk away or ignore the chemistry. Fuck the chemistry, I liked him. For all his blunt honesty and brutish chivalry, I found a great deal to admire about him. I wanted to know him more.
But I wasn’t here for Pretty Boy. Or so I’d reminded both of us regularly. Despite having showered at the hotel, I decided to shower again. The hot water helped my muscles, washing my skin and hair, helped me get my chaotic thoughts, as well as hormones, in line.
I was feeling a little clearer when I left the shower. Only when I came into the bedroom, there was a very nude Milo waiting for me. He made no attempt to move or cover himself.
“Yes or no?” The sudden ferociousness seemed to have come out of nowhere.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, heading for him. Despite offering me every indication when we left the hotel that the sex that happened there wouldn’t be repeated, he didn’t look entirely so married to that idea at the moment. If anything, he seemed on edge. “What’s happened?”
Hot scorching palms clamped onto my biceps. “Mayhem… I want to fuck you again. I want to get us both off. I just need to know, yes or no?”