Page 23 of Mine To Possess

Whenever I look at her, I feel my cock stir. I just want to take her to my bed and make her cum in my mouth. Then I want to fuck her all night long, until she’s too sore to think straight or walk… whichever comes first.

I remember her as she was at the bar. Fearless and yet fragile. Even then she intrigued me in a way no girl had before.

A girl who clearly didn’t have the best start in life, but no way was she quitting. With her looks she could have become a lap dancer or a stripper and brought in the big bucks, but she’s out there working hard, earning her own keep. That’s real independence. I admire her fierce courage. It reminds me of myself when I was a free spirited thirteen-year-old boy. When the whole world was my oyster.

It's only sometimes that her tough façade slips, and she shows how naïve and vulnerable she really is. Those times I get the unreasonable and totally crazy feeling I want to lock her away from the world and protect her from its casual brutality, but I know that’s just insane. She’s not mine and she never will be. What happened to Lisa is never happening to her or anyone else for that matter.

Lisa was gunned down in front of my eyes.

Five years and twenty-two days ago, I held her in my arms and watched the life bleed out of her. We’d gone to a private party in a club, and she had refused to drink. She said she was too happy to drink. I didn’t know it but she was pregnant with our child. As we came down the steps a man appeared to my left to distract me. While my attention was on him another one appeared to my right. He had a gun. She had instinctively thrown herself in front of me and taken the bullets meant for me. The bullets ripped through her chest and stomach, killing the precious life inside her and then her. She clutched her bleeding stomach and stared at me in horror.

“Our baby,” she whispered brokenly. “He’s killed our baby.”

Then her knees gave way, and she began to totter like a doll. I caught her as she crumpled to the ground. Unhurt I watched the life extinguish from her eyes.

The shock was incredible. I walked away from the scene like a zombie. Inside I felt cold and empty. It hardly seemed possible, but Lisa was gone… forever.

I went back to our apartment, and everything was as we had left it. I went into our bedroom. It still smelt of her perfume. I sat on the bed and the cool night breeze blew in through an open window.

How stupid and arrogant I had been. I should have seen this coming. In my mind I could see her clutching her stomach, blood pumping through her fingers. Her face white with horror, her lips moving, “Our baby.”

I slammed my fist into a wall and felt no pain. Why? Why did she sacrifice her life for mine? I had never once even told her I loved her or made any kind of commitment. Guilt seared through me. So many times I had seen the look of sadness in her eyes because she knew I did not love her the way she loved me.

Her unthinking, selfless sacrifice changed me forever. Until that night I was seriously in danger of becoming a total psychopath. Now, I knew I had to get out of the dangerous life I’d chosen.

The man who’d ordered the hit was the man I would end up becoming if I stayed in that business, and that thought horrified me beyond belief. Lisa and our child were dead. I would honor their memory and do the thing she had always wanted me to do.

I would leave this life of sin. But first, I hunted down the man who had taken her from me and ended him. It was a pleasure.

Then I stopped all my illegal activities.

Just like that I walked away from it all. It took some adapting to, but I got used to it, and I came to see that the thrill I felt when I was working, the feeling I’d always told myself I needed to do something dangerous to achieve, didn’t go away. The thrill came from making money, pure and simple. In time I found the same thrill with my legit businesses. I just wish I had found that out sooner, before Lisa paid the ultimate price.

Talking to Amelia made me relive the moment that Lisa died in my arms, and for a second, I was overcome with the old guilt and pain. I managed to swallow it down and continue as normal with Amelia, but it convinced me that I can’t go there with her. I’ve made my peace with Lisa’s death in a way. I’ve grieved for her, and I’ve allowed myself to move on, but even now, even though I’m out of that life, I know one day, it might all catch up with me.

There is still unfinished business. I killed the father and left the son, Igor, alive. I know I should have taken him out. It was just Revenge 101. Never leave the son alive or you will always be looking over your shoulder. But he was my age. I’d met him once, had a drink with him. More importantly his wife was pregnant with their first child. I spared him.

And he became my enemy.

An enemy who doesn’t care that I’m no longer in the game. An enemy who is biding his time. So, it doesn’t matter how much I feel myself wanting Amelia, I won’t let myself go there. I can’t and won’t put her in the line of fire.

Once I was stupid and careless. Not anymore.

I’ve learned to live with the idea of never getting close to another woman again. Obviously, I date and sometimes, I even let myself see her more than once, but I never let myself get attached in any meaningful way. When I wasn’t playing the field my mostly solitary lifestyle suited me very well. After Lisa, I never met a woman who made me want more anyway.

Until now.

I don’t know what it is about Amelia, but she makes my body crave hers. Not even with Lisa did I harbor such deep lust.

I know, I’m playing with fire.

But… instead of wrapping the dinner up, dropping her off at home, and calling it a night, I find myself inviting her to the launch party at my new club. I lie to myself that it’s not strictly a date. It’s just a birthday treat. Plus, she’ll be safe there. More security in and around that club than there is at Fort Knox.

I ask her to come to the club and she readily agrees, beaming up at me. I see her excitement at the thought of going to a club and feel her desire to spend more time with me. Not an unusual scenario for me to have women biting their lower lip, flicking their hair, exposing the soft skin on the inside of their wrists, or watching me when they think I’m not looking at them, but knowing the attraction isn’t one sided makes Amelia even more dangerous to my peace of mind.

It would be much easier to back off and not let myself get too intoxicated by her. But not tonight.

Pushing aside my conflict, I pay the check and smile at Amelia. Tonight is her eighteenth birthday. She should be celebrating, and I intend to give her a night to remember. After tonight, I’ll make sure our paths don’t cross much, but for tonight, I’ll just envelop myself in the perfume of her innocence.