Page 53 of Mine To Possess
She gives a long-suffering sigh. “Look, Amelia, I’m doing my best with what I’ve got ok? But my trailer isn’t like Dan’s. It’s clean and tidy and the curtains actually fit the windows.”
It was a little joke we shared when we first moved into Dan’s trailer, and I can’t help but smile at that and my mom smiles too.
She takes a deep breath. “It’s almost starting to feel like a home, but there’s something missing, Amelia. You. I guess I wanted you to know how sorry I am for everything with Dan, and I hoped you would be able to forgive me and maybe come back home? I mean, I can see why you’d want to stay at this place, but you and Viktor haven’t been together long, have you? And besides, family should be together. And you’re the only family I’ve got left. You’re young and you’ve got plenty of time to grow up and move in with your boyfriend at a later time.”
She’s playing the emotional blackmail card with her family should be together line. She never thought of that when she chose her husbands over me, although in her defense, I’ve never been asked to leave the family home. Despite knowing she’s trying to emotionally blackmail me; I can’t help but feel something inside of me stir at her words. I can’t help but crave the mom she used to be. Maybe going back wouldn’t be so bad if it was just going to be the two of us, and though I love Viktor with all my heart she’s right about Viktor and me being too new to move in together. He’s only letting me live here because he’s afraid something bad could happen to me if I stay alone at my apartment. It could be a good thing to live with my mom until Viktor and I are truly ready to make that commitment.
Basically, she’s given me everything I hoped for. Her admission that she was wrong about Dan, and she’s even apologized, several times, for choosing him over me. I craved those words, but now that she’s said them, I’m still wary. I’ve heard this kind of thing before from her, but it never lasts.
And I have to wonder if I’m really ready to blindly trust her and go back. Am I really ready to go back to living in that trailer park and risk running into Dan every day? Basically, living a life where I’m just waiting for her to find her next boyfriend/husband before she throws me back out into the emotional cold?
I feel really confused. Right now, she seems genuine enough, but experience has taught me that the nice mom, the mom who says we can get by better with just the two of us, doesn’t last long.
“Amelia? Please say something,” she urges.
“I don’t really know what to say,” I tell her honestly. “I mean, I want to believe you’ve seen through Dan, and that you’ll be a little bit more selective with men in the future, but let’s be honest, Mom. Your track record doesn’t really fill me with confidence on that score.”
“I know that Amelia,” she says with a heart-felt sigh. “But I promise you I’ve seen the error of my ways and I really would like a chance to prove that to you. Give me this one chance? Please. Even if you don’t feel ready to come home, maybe you could at least drop by and see the trailer… and me.”
She smiles and nudges me with her elbow.
“Come on, baby, what do you say? It’ll be like the old days. We’ll have movie nights, eat popcorn, and sit up all night chatting.” She grins, that old grin that I haven’t seen for years. “Just us two gals against the world.”
She’s making it sound so appealing that I’m desperate to say yes. I love my mom and I’ll always love her. Maybe I should give her a chance, but I force myself to not give in so quickly. I don’t want to rush into anything. I smile at her.
“That does sound good, Mom. Let me talk to Viktor about it tonight and I’ll give you a call tomorrow. How’s that?”
She smiles again, a genuine truly happy smile. There is even a glimmer of tears in her eyes. “It’s more than I deserve.”
She stands up. “Well, I won’t keep you. I just wanted you to know that I love you and I’m sorry, my darling girl. Really.” Her voice breaks. “You’ll call me tomorrow? Definitely?”
Definitely,” I say as I walk her to the door.
* * *
The conversationwith my mom plays on my mind as I walk back to my book. I take the coffee cup back to the kitchen, so the maids don’t have to. They still treat me like a friend, but there is a slight distance between us now. They are all very much aware that I’m now their boss’s girlfriend. I don’t want them to think for a second that I think it was ok to leave a mess lying around for them to deal with.
Part of me wants to move back in with my mom, and the other part thinks I’ll miss Viktor too much. Even a few hours apart is hard for me to bear. I’m standing in the middle of the kitchen holding the coffee cup thinking and just staring into space when Justine comes in through the door.
“Amelia, what’s wrong?”
“Oh nothing,” I say.
She raises an eyebrow and looks at me. “That’s clearly not true. Something’s obviously bothering you.”
“It’s nothing,” I insist. “It’s stupid really. My mom came by earlier asking me to give her another chance and I’m a little torn. See, my mom has a history of choosing bad men to be with and then siding with them over me. Her last one led me to leave altogether. Now she says she’s seen the error of her ways and it’s over. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and I really want to have some sort of relationship with her, but I don’t want to fall back into the trap of letting myself believe things will be different this time, only to get burned again.”
“Oooof… that’s a tough one.” Justine agrees. “Families are complicated.”
“Damn right,” I say. “What would you do in my situation?”
“I don’t know, honey. That’s not my decision to make, but I will say this. Your mom, she’s probably trying her best even if it doesn’t seem like it right now. She’s made mistakes, but maybe she’s genuinely trying to make amends for them. And I’m not saying you should do this for her, because I genuinely believe that if you do decide to do it, I think you should do it for you. You know, just to stop that little voice in your head. The one that says what if.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I admit. “I’m afraid that if I give her another chance, I’ll just get hurt again. But if I don’t, then maybe I’ll regret it.”
“You have to follow your heart, Amelia. That’s all you can ever do with things like this.”
I nod. That makes sense. But my heart is keeping pretty damned quiet on this one. I figure I’ll feel better once I talk to Viktor about this. Maybe he’ll make it easy for me and push me in the right direction. Normally I wouldn’t let him make a call like that for me, but on this occasion, I really think I would. It would stop this dilemma in my head if nothing else.