Page 72 of Mile High Baby

“What would you do if a woman showed up on your doorstep with your child?” Henry seemed genuinely curious.

I shifted uncomfortably because I didn't like the idea that my response would show just how much of an asshole I was. “I’d do the right thing. I’d provide for them."

"But you wouldn’t marry her. Be a family."

"I'm not going to marry a woman I don't love. That's not good for anyone." I couldn’t figure out why Henry was harping on this. He wasn’t married. He didn’t marry Victoria’s mother. Was he projecting his own issues onto me?

"And you've never found a woman you've loved?"

"No. Never. Thank God.”Except Victoria. I sighed. "You know me, Henry. What would I do with a wife and child?"

"You would love them, Alex. But maybe that's the problem. You don't know how to love. Or maybe you just don't want to love."

The words hurt more than I could ever have imagined. Even more so because he was right, at least about one thing. I didn’t think I could love, but now I knew differently. Even so, I didn’t want to love. I was willing to risk my bones on dangerous excursions in my life and my job, but not my heart.

“You hit the nail on the head. I don’t want to love.”

24

Victoria

"And you've never found a woman you've loved?"

"No. Never, thank God. You know me, Henry. What would I do with a wife and child?"

"You would love them, Alex. But maybe that's the problem. You don't know how to love. Or maybe you just don't want to love."

“You hit the nail on the head. I don’t want to love.”

Alex’s words reverberated through my head. I was the biggest fool in the world. Had I really thought that Alex would want to be a family? That he'd want me and his child?

This pain and the feeling of being an idiot were my own fault for eavesdropping. But when I'd heard that Alex was here, I made my way downstairs, hoping to have a chance to talk to him, to tell him about the baby. I suppose deep down, I knew I was being foolish. But after that dream of all of us together, Alex happy as a father, hope had found its way inside me. Every memory I had of Alex, I'd been able to twist into the possibility that he cared for me. What an idiot.

Sharing his repulsion at the idea of marriage and kids stole my breath. The walls felt like they were closing in on me. I had to get away, and yet I knew the moment I stepped out the front door, Alex's men would be on me, preventing me from leaving.

I moved away from the door to my father's office and managed to make it to the living room at the front of the house. The room was rarely used, so I felt certain I'd be alone as I processed Alex's words and figured out my and the baby's future.

I sank down onto the couch butting up against the front window. I turned my body so that I was leaning back against the plush arm, pulling my legs up and wrapping my arms around my knees as I rested my head and stared mindlessly out the front window. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much I'd been deceiving myself. There was no way Alex was going to change his mind and want a family. Not if that meant being with Henry's daughter. He’d been clear that my father would never know about our affair. Whatever feelings he had for me, if there were any at all, they did not outweigh his friendship with my father.

The tears streamed down my face as I grieved for the life I and my child might've had. Especially the baby. I reminded myself that I was raised by one parent and for all intents and purposes, I’d had a good life. A great life. I could do the same for my child.

I also told myself that I was a strong, independent woman and that I would be fine on my own. But there would always be a hole in my heart that only Alex could fill. I would live with that for the rest of my life.

The wave of emotion washed through me, and I buried my face in my knees. The sound of two men talking had me stifling my tears, and I tilted my head to hear who was talking in the foyer. My father was saying goodbye to Alex. Alex was leaving without seeing me. If there was any question about how he thought about me, that definitely answered it.

From my vantage point, I could see Alex as he descended the stairs in front of the house. He was doing something on his phone, and he stopped for a moment, turning to look back up at the house. Our eyes caught, and I thought I saw something in him, but then he turned away as Ian, along with several other men, joined him in front of the house. I didn't think my heart could break anymore, but it did. It shattered, and I was certain that it was going to lie in pieces for the rest of my days.

As I watched Alex talk to his men, it occurred to me that if they were at the front of the house talking to him, then they weren't at their positions around the house. If I wanted to get out, this was my moment.

I jumped up from the couch and went to the entry to the foyer, poking my head to look down the hall and across to my father's office. It was empty. I scurried out and made my way to the elevator, stepping in and hitting the button for the garage. I decided that this would be the best point of exit since it was around the corner from where the men were talking. I probably should have gotten my purse, but I had my phone, attached to which was a card holder where I stashed a credit card and a hundred-dollar bill in case of emergencies.

When I reached the garage, I scanned the area, making sure Knightly wasn't preparing to leave on some errand or returning from one. No one was around, so I rushed over to the garage door. If I was going to get caught, this would be the time. The door wasn't necessarily loud, but it wasn't quiet either.

I pressed the button, and as soon as the door rolled up enough for me to fit underneath it, I ducked under and trotted out to the sidewalk. I immediately turned left and then picked up speed to run up to the next block. I went left, which thankfully was a shorter block. Then I went right, heading up toward Broadway.

I ducked into a Starbucks to catch my breath. I pulled out my phone and ordered a car, hiding in the coffee shop until it pulled up to the curb. I slid into the backseat, only then realizing I didn’t know where I was going. The only place that came to mind was Samantha’s. Again, I felt a wave of guilt at thrusting my problems on her when she was already overwhelmed caring for her mother and her son. But I decided she could just put me in a room by myself somewhere. That was all I really needed, time away and alone.

I imagined that when my father and Alex realized I was gone, Samantha would be the first place they’d look. But I knew there was time. Everyone in the house thought I was upstairs working, so they wouldn't notice I was gone until I didn't show up for dinner. If I played this right, I’d be back before that. How I'd get in without anyone knowing I’d been gone was a problem for me to solve later.