Page 95 of Mile High Baby

He eyed me through the rearview mirror. “You sure you’re okay?”

“No. But if I have a chance of being okay, it requires you to get me to that address ASAP.”

32

Victoria

Ithink I set the world record for the number of tears cried. It was impossible that there were any still left in me, yet they continued to fall. Just when I thought I had them under control, I would think of Alex and the agony of this whole situation would hit me, and the floodgates would open again.

When my father arrived not long after I returned from seeing Alex in the hospital, he wasn't much help. He didn't seem crazed like before, but he continued to rant and rave, telling me what a terrible person Alex was. How I should've never gotten involved with him. How Alex used and abused me.

I knew that wasn't the case. I wasn't used or abused. If anything, I was the one who abused him. It wasn’t like he tricked me or seduced me. I got into this thing with my eyes wide open knowing that he was a man who didn't want any attachments or entanglements. It was my own fault that I was where I was now.

“You're just making it worse, Dad. If all you're going to do is badmouth Alex, you can just leave."

My father stopped short mid-pacing and looked at me. It was as if somebody snapped their fingers in front of his face and brought him out of a trance.

“Oh, hell, Tori. I'm doing a terrible job trying to comfort you."

"Yes, you are."

He sat next to me on the couch where I’d perched myself when I arrived home and started my cry-fest. I was glad to be home and at the same time, it brought back memories of the week that Alex and I had been here alone, holed up in our own little cocoon.

"I'm sorry, honey. I’ve handled this all wrong. I’ve taken my anger on him out on you. I should have never threatened to take your allowance or made it seem like you had to choose between us." He tugged me in close, kissing me on the head like he used to do when I was a little girl.

“Thank you.”

"It just kills me to see you crying over a man like Alex."

So much for letting it go. "This isn’t Alex's fault. Just because he doesn't ever want to love anybody, doesn't make him a bad person. You've never loved anybody. Are you a bad person?"

He tensed. "It's not the same. No one has loved me, and I let them down." There was a disconnect in his voice that had me looking up at him.

"Have you loved anybody, ever?" I asked.

In a flash, I saw sadness, maybe even regret, but then as quick as it was there, it was gone. "We're not here to talk about me."

"Why not? It will take my mind off my troubles."

He gave me a wan smile and squeezed me close. "As your dad, I wish I could give you a Band-Aid and make all this go away. I know it will take time, but you’re a strong woman, Tori. You deserve better than Alex."

I wondered if now was the time to tell him about the baby but ultimately decided against it. Things between us were good, calm. I didn’t want to ruin it.

“Let me make you some tea or something.”

I nodded. “Tea would be nice.”

He went to the kitchen, and I sat on the couch, staring out the window. A memory of Alex, his wicked eyes watching me as he sauntered over and then had his wild way with me on the couch popped up. Immediately, tears gushed again.

With my dad and tea, I pulled it together a little bit longer, but then when my father left, I was back on the couch weeping again. Maybe if I got it all out now, the healing would begin sooner. Eventually, the crying wore me out and I fell asleep, grateful for the respite from grief.

I was woken by a loud bang on my door. Was it real or a dream? I lifted my head to listen. It sounded again, and I rose from the couch, heading to the door. I looked through the peephole and gasped.

I undid the locks, swinging the door open. "Alex."

He was leaning against the wall and looked as if at any moment he might fall over.

"What are you doing out of the hospital?" I looked up and down the hallway, wondering how he'd gotten here. He certainly couldn't have come on his own.