Page 71 of Run Like the Devil
Instead, Yazmor’s eyes almost glowed, his skin having darkened more until it appeared more like his other form. He still was shaped like a human, but the wrapping had changed.
“I don’t know what to do about him,” Tyrus said from beside me.
We’d done the whole walk in a single-file thing, but that had gotten old pretty fast. After a few hours in the fog, Gorrin had lightened up when nothing else had attacked us. He still led, but we didn’t have to do all this kindergarten style.
“What’s there to be done?”
Tyrus pressed his lips together, his eyes narrowed. Had he ever looked quite so much like a predator before?
Maybe, when he looks at me naked, but that is a very different kind of stalking then…
“If he loses himself entirely, he’ll prove a very dangerous adversary. If we wait too long, we may not have as much of a chance to stop him.”
“Isn’t that true about all of us?” I asked. “Because in case you haven’t noticed, none of us are doing fantastic. Hale is walking farther away from everyone, won’t let anyone stand behind him and is snapping worse—and to say his mood is worse considering how friendly he normally is, that means something. Gorrin won’t give me more than a foot or two of space before he’s breathing down my neck, like he’s afraid of letting me out of his sight at all. And you? You’re acting like nothing’s wrong, but don’t think I’ve missed out the way you keep watching everyone like you’re just waiting for them to turn on you. You don’t snap and snarl like Hale does. Instead, you seem to be one step ahead, trying to figure out what moves we’ll all make so you can kill us first.”
“You are imagining things.” How a man as dangerous as Tyrus could manage to sound like a pouting child I didn’t know and I shouldn’t like, but it charmed me endlessly.
“Am I? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve got more food and water in your pack than anyone else has. You’ve been stashing sharp rocks in it as well, like you’re just waiting for us to fuck you over, and you want to be ready.”
His eyes widened. Talk about underestimating me as always.
“I’m not trying to bust your balls,” I added on softly. “This place is bringing out all our worst sides, our fears. It’s amplifying them all so they seem so much bigger than we are, like they’re impossible to overcome.”
“If you saw what I’d done, why not mention it sooner?”
“Why mention it at all? Will me telling you that I’m not going to betray you change anything? Are you going to hear that and feel all better? I know better than most people that fear doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t go away just because it’s faced with actual facts. If fear was that easy, none of us would ever have to deal with it.”
“Is that how you’re able to deal with it?”
“Me?”
Tyrus didn’t turn to look at me, his gaze pinned ahead. “You had a hard life before you died, suffered many things from what little I know. You were tortured by Clint. You suffered through Hubis’ punishment. You were attacked by creatures who wore our faces. I would hardly blame you if you couldn’t stand the idea of any of us anywhere near you, but you don’t do that. You are braver than I would think possible, and I can’t say I understand how you manage it.”
I wrapped my arms around myself, the chill getting to me, the fog thicker and colder the farther from the Path that we ventured. “I remind myself that none of you did those things to me. If anything, you all have saved me, time and time again. You’ve never had a reason to take care of me, but you all have. It isn’t always easy, but I just keep correcting myself until it sticks.”
“You seem to be the only one who still has her wits about her. Why is that? Why aren’t you being as affected by this place?”
“I am,” I admitted softly. He did cast me a glance at that, as if he struggled to believe it. I offered him a weak smile I was sure didn’t reach my eyes. “I’ve never felt that confident in myself.”
“This coming from Salmon?” His gentle smile warmed me, and I bumped my shoulder against his.
“I’ve always known what I believed in, what I wanted, but I’ve never felt that confident in how to get there, in if I could. I might have taken the steps I needed to, but I never felt sure I could manage it. Being here…I’m questioning myself constantly. I’m wondering if I’m right, if I’ve made the right choice, if I can be trusted. I question you guys, but it’s not about trusting you. It’s about trusting myself, in knowing I’m right about you. Normally, I’d dig in and just keep going, consequences be damned, but I’m hesitating. I’m convincing myself that I’m wrong, that I should wait, that I should let someone else make the decision because I don’t want to be wrong.” Just admitting it felt like picking at a healing wound.
But the more I spoke, the more I seemed to organize my thoughts, the more obvious it became just how much this feeling had spread through me.
Tyrus caught my arm and pulled me to a stop, the action making me turn slightly to face him. He set a finger beneath my chin to lift my face to his. “You should trust yourself more, Little Demon.”
And fuck, I melted at his nickname. He didn’t use it all that often, but each time he did, it felt like a special bond between just the two of us. It felt endearing, as if I’d claimed some part inside of him no one else had. Tyrus was a stern man, one who didn’t generally do things like sweetness, yet that name made me warm in a way that made me feel impossibly closer to him. “Didn’t I tell you that just being told the truth doesn’t change fear?” I whispered.
“Then I’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it. Each time you start to doubt yourself, I will tell you yet again that you are capable and strong and while you are sometimes reckless and foolish, you have the fortitude to follow through to the end.”
I blinked slowly at him as his words sank in, feeling strange. Tyrus was one of the most logical men I knew, and one of the harshest critics of my rather laissez-faire method of behavior. To hear him praise that part of me made me stop and listen in a way it wouldn’t have from others.
“Don’t look so surprised,” he whispered. “I’ve told you before how much I admire that part of you. I always think things through, behave based on what is the most likely to succeed. I can appear confident in myself because I have weighed the pros and cons and determined my odds of winning. You don’t do that. You decide what you want, and you go after it. That is something I am envious about. You risk so much, and that way you can keep going no matter how hopeless something seems is a rare trait in the world and one I hope you never lose.” He brushed his lips to mine, the touch so gentle that it felt like we were under a star-filled sky rather than lost in the fog of the Path.
When he pulled away, he took his bag off and held it out to me.
I frowned but didn’t reach for it. “What? Get tired of hauling around the heavy shit? Don’t think you can unload that junk on me. I am not a pack mule.”