Page 80 of Selling Innocence
My chest tightened to the point that an all-too-familiar dizziness came over me when I couldn’t draw enough oxygen.
Great. A panic attack.
They happened from time to time. Less than right after it had happened, but leave it to these men to spark one. All those fears, those questions, that pain that I’d buried bubbled back up, like sewage coming up from broken pipes in a yard.
I leaned forward, trying to put my head between my knees like one of the therapists had taught me. My thoughts swirled, rough and too fast to come to terms with, to understand.
Mostly, it was a string of words, just hateful things that Kyler had tattooed on my psyche over the years. Useless. Stupid. Naïve. A burden.
I was only worth as much as someone could sell me for.
My head hurt, and it felt like the world dimmed around the edges. Even the sounds of the room felt far away, like I heard them from underwater.
Something touched my lips, forcing past them. A finger? Before I could make sense of it, cold water poured into my mouth, then a hand covered my mouth and tipped my head backward.
I swallowed, unable to resist, even my tight throat unable to stop the action. The cold water calmed the panic, and I found myself enveloped by warmth and strength.
Exhaustion made it impossible to fight. Hell, I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to hide or struggle or work so damned hard anymore. It all hurt too much.
So instead I let the strong body hold me, the world too heavy and his comfort too tempting for me to resist anymore.
Vance
Kenz was lighter than she should have been. In fact, I was pretty sure she was lighter than she had been when she’d first gotten here. It had only been a few weeks, but if I had to guess, she’d lost about ten pounds.
At least she was breathing, now.
The memory of her going pale, of those gasping, choking noises coming from her… I had no doubts they’d haunt my nightmares for a while yet.
“I guess we don’t have to wonder why she has those anxiety meds,” Char said, his tone unusually kind. Normally he snapped and insulted everyone unless he played one of his parts, yet that was oddly absent right now.
Maybe he was just as shaken as the rest of us.
It had taken a little time for the pill I’d forced into her mouth to take effect, but finally, she’d started to relax. Slowly, the muscles had unknitted and she’d breathed evenly.
She also cuddled against me tighter, nuzzling her cheek against my chest as though she couldn’t get close enough.
In any other position, it would have been adorable.
“I’m thirsty,” she whispered, my sweater muffling her words.
I caught her chin, tipping her face up toward me. She hid nothing as she stared back, her eyes impossibly wide. Hell, she reminded me of a cartoon fawn. “What was that?”
“I’m thirsty,” she repeated. It surprised me, since in her time with us, she’d rarely asked for anything. Normally, she was so aware of others, of what they needed, but she never relied on any of us unless she had no other choice.
If she wasn’t high off her ass from the sedative, she would have likely gotten up to get herself whatever she wanted before she’d ever ask for help.
“What do you want?”
She pursed her lips, as though I’d asked her a master level math question. “Hot chocolate.”
“You sure that’s a good idea? What about your blood sugar?”
She pouted, as though she’d just remembered and I had crushed her dreams by reminding her.
Tor clapped once, then gave me a thumbs-up, telling me he had it handled.
“Oh, whipped cream, too!” she called out, over my shoulder, toward the kitchen. She gasped, as though she’d just had an epiphany. “And sprinkles!” She crawled closer, moving into my lap like a cat seeking warmth. “Bray always added sprinkles. My dad told him he was spoiling me, so Bray would put the sprinkles in his pocket, then after he got to my room, he’d add the sprinkles just before he handed it to me.”