Page 123 of Blaire

I remain staring down the garden. “There's nothing you can do, Charlie. I'm sorry.”

I wander off into the garden then, and I'm surprised that he doesn't stop me. I wish he would stop me. I wish he would stop me and tell me that we can have this last week together.

Trying hard to shut off mentally, I lose myself in the day. It's a little chilly. I haven't got a coat on. I don't care.

Tomorrow...this...we... Charlie and me... it'll be over.

I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'm not even sure I can block the fact out.

I want to cry.

I do cry.

I huddle by the back fence that feels miles away from the house, hug my knees to my chest, and I bawl my eyes out.

———

I wring myself dry of tears and wander back to the house, feeling very disconnected, stuck between the idealism of the past two and a half months and the reality of what I have to go back to tomorrow. As much as I try to shut off mentally, I can't.

Charlie has treated me so well—it's almost been like a dream. He's fed me and clothed me, trained with me for whatever reason, and he's ensured me some happiness. He's spoken to me on a platonic level, comforted me, and he's never hurt me. He wouldn't ever hurt me. I know that deep down. I trust him.

Maksim hasn't treated me very well, but he gave me a life when I didn't have one, and I can't help feeling grateful for that. Though, I now know he might've stolen me... Thinking of this confuses me a bit—I start to wonder if I had a family, parents that might have loved me—so I put it out of my mind.

It's too painful.

I round the swimming pool and make my way up the patio steps, and the more I think about what-is and what-could-be, the more I realize it doesn't really matter what I want or need. I can't stay with Charlie unless Maksim says I can—subconsciously, I don't want to stay with Charlie unless Maksim says I can—but he won't ever say that. He'll kill me before letting me go, as he's always promised. Up until now, that threat has never bothered me, I guess because I thought a life without Maksim wasn't a life at all. Then I met Charlie.

I'm not sure if I'd rather die than live in an unemotional world again. Ever since Charlie tapped into my emotions, all I want is to feel good things. I don't want anyone to hurt me anymore. I need the scars on my back to remind me of how strong I can be; not how strong I have to be.

I'm in thought mayhem, and I hate it.

Reaching the back doors that lead into the living room, I overhear someone speaking about me in a Latin brogue, telling Charlie to just take me. “She'll be happier and safer in Mexico with us rather than staying here with that dirty Russian pig.”

Stepping back, I plaster myself against the wall and listen in, wondering if that's Rico. It sounds like something that Rico guy would say—just take her.I'd like to rip him apart, the smarmy ass bastard.

“I can't take her,” Charlie says, his voice full of uncertainty.

“Why not? Nothing's ever stopped you before... Have you gone soft?”

I smile with fondness at his observation. Charlie has gone a bit soft on me.

“It's not about going soft,” Charlie snaps. “She's too conditioned for Maksim.”

Someone's pacing about in brooding silence, footsteps heavy. I'm almost certain it's Charlie. I know the way he walks in anger and solace; either way, he has heavy footsteps.

“It's as simple as this,” Charlie says eventually, sounding calmer now, “if she doesn't make the decision to come with me for herself, she'll never feel comfortable and at home with me; with us. She'll run back to Maksim the first chance she gets because deep in her subconscious, she thinks she has to go back to him.”

He's right about that. It's tormenting how well he knows me.

“How has he conditioned her?”

“You don'twant toknow.” Charlie doesn't give the Latin guy any more than that. I smile again, though with something else this time. He's always said I can trust him, and along our journey, slowly but surely, he's ensured that.

“What I can tell you is,” Charlie says in his own time, “Maksim apparently outbid a government agency for her, but I dunno if that's true, and I dunno what government.”

That's news to me.

“Why would a government want her?”