Page 24 of Outrun The Devil
Dr. Monroe's pen clicked methodically against the notepad in her lap, a sound that grated on Olivia's nerves. The doctor leaned in, her expression softening with sympathy.
“Detective,” she warned, her tone gentle but firm. “We're here to help you process your emotions. There's no judgment in this room.”
Olivia snorted, the sound bitter. Safe? This was far from safe. Everything she said here could be used against her.
“I'm fine,” she insisted, her voice edged with impatience. There were more pressing matters at hand than discussing her feelings with a therapist. A killer was still out there, and Olivia had to focus on finding them.
“You’ve been saying that for three months now.” The doctor tipped her chin down and narrowed her eyes - “It’s okay to feel something. You were held captive against your will by a serial killer. That’s bound to leave a mark on anyone.”
Olivia sighed.
“Listen, I understand that you are just trying to do your job. But I’ve got a case I need to solve, and I can’t help feeling like I am just wasting everyone’s time by being here when I’m fine. I’ve dealt with…” She waved her hand around. “I’m fine, okay?”
“He held you for thirty-six hours. How did that make you feel?” Dr. Monroe was persistent, she’d give her that.
Olivia exhaled and leaned back on the couch. Her eyes landed on the artwork on the wall. “Is that new?”
“You’re avoiding the question.” Caught red-handed.
“Scared, okay? I felt scared.” Scared that she was going to die. That she’d never see her daughter again. Olivia had rarely been afraid to die. She risked her life every day in the name of justice. But in that cabin for those thirty-six hours, she truly feared death.
Olivia avoided the doctor’s gaze.
“Any trouble sleeping?”
“Nope.” It was a lie, but the doctor didn’t need to know that. But the doctor didn’t buy it.
“Fine. I have these nightmares sometimes.” Olivia picked at the leather of the couch.
“What are the nightmares about?”
“A shadowy figure usually. They are just standing there watching me. There’s this sense of dread as they get closer to me. But it ends before I can see who it is.”
Dr. Monroe scribbled something on her notes and Olivia almost felt a sense of panic.
“How often do you have them?” She peered at Olivia with her chin lowered.
“Last one I had was a month ago. Before that, it was every other week.”
She nodded and scribbled something else down.
“Are we done?” Olivia is anxious to get out of the room already. Dr. Monroe sighed and looked at her notes before looking back at Olivia.
“Not quite yet. I’d like to talk to you about coping mechanisms for when you feel overwhelmed with emotions. It’s important to have healthy ways of dealing with stress and anxiety.” Dr. Monroe’s voice was gentle, but firm.
Olivia groaned inwardly. She didn’t have time for this. She had a killer to catch and a daughter to take care of. But she knew that Dr. Monroe had a point. She couldn’t keep ignoring the fact that she needed help dealing with what had happened to her.
“Fine,” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. “What do you suggest?”
Dr. Monroe smiled softly. “Well, there are a few things we can try. Have you ever heard of mindfulness meditation?”
Olivia rolled her eyes. “Yeah, I’ve heard of it. It’s not my thing.”
Dr. Monroe nodded. “That’s okay. It’s not for everyone. How about exercise? Going for a run or hitting the gym can be a great way to release pent-up emotions.”
Olivia snorted. “Running or lifting weights isn’t going to make me forget what happened to me.”
“Of course not,” Dr. Monroe said, her voice soothing. “But it can help you healthily process those emotions. Another option could be journaling. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be cathartic.”