Page 51 of Songs of Vice
Luz crunched over dry leaves as they walked towards me. Soldiers dismounted from their horses and circled around Sai and his group. I rolled over and jumped up, leaped over a stump, and ran. I wanted nothing to do with them, and I didn’t want to chance running into my mother along the roads.
Luz growled and ran after me. When they reached me, they yanked my arm.
“Ow,” I cried out. “Let me go. Release me right this minute.”
“Or you’ll what?” They frowned and then leaned in closer to me, dropping their voice to a whisper. “You must stop, Lira. You’re going to make Lennox realize you’re a part of our group.”
I froze. “What?”
Luz dropped my arm and looked back at the crowd where the soldiers ushered Sai’s group into a jailer’s wagon. “Right now, you have no association with Sai. The Prince believes the story Sai had me feed him, which is that you’re a fairy abducted and being used for her magic. Lennox believes we’re saving you.”
Oh, this was all part of Sai’s plan. He… he’d protected me? But then why hadn’t he told me? I lifted my face. “So you haven’t betrayed him?” I whispered.
Luz scoffed. “If you actually knew shit about the fae world, it would offend me you think I’d ever betray Sai and especially for the damn Seelie.”
“Then why are you having the group arrested?”
Luz looked back again, their braid thunking against their shoulder, before whispering furiously. “Sai’s imprint the other night gave him away. He needed to get into the palace and past the wards, but the Seelie have had their guard up after knowing he was near.”
“Oh.” That was clever, I suppose. “Why didn’t he tell me? What’s his plan for me?”
Luz cleared their throat. “There isn’t one.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re removed from association with him now. Once we figure out your cover story for the King, you’ll be free to go. Sai wanted me to let you know that you’ll still get your pay.”
“But I told him I’d help. I said I’d use my magic and—” I stopped speaking as realization sank into me like the Naga dipping beneath the river earlier. “He doesn’t trust me.”
Luz’s expression softened. “Try to understand, Lira. This job is big. He can’t risk blowing it over someone he barely knows.”
“Then why are you telling me all this?”
Luz sighed. “I can read feelings and I trust you. It’s Sai who doesn’t.”
Their words ricocheted through me. I nodded and followed Luz back to the party and climbed onto their horse in front of them. A soldier pushed Elisa forward into the cart and she tumbled.
“Elisa,” I cried.
She righted herself and bobbed her head. “I’m all right, Lira.”
“Not helping,” Luz whispered, “with the idea that you aren’t involved with the group.” I didn’t answer as they gave their horse a kick and we trundled into an icy wind.
With every gallop, my heart seemed to shatter more, ragged bits falling off.
I’d thought everything between Sai and me was something unnamable, something more. I’d believed fate had led our paths together and tangled us up. When I looked at him, I’d thought I’d seen my future.
I trust you. It’s Sai who doesn’t.
It was all a lie. I was every inch the foolish, naïve, immature girl Mother had always told me I was. None of it had been real. I’d just wanted it to be. I was nothing more than a conquest. Some secret part of my mind thought I was falling in love.
It wasn’t love.
Or even lust.
It was nothing more than the desperate reaching of a foolish girl.
I bit my lip to stall tears.