Page 90 of Songs of Sacrament
My Atalla. My Atalla. My Atalla.
I hadn’t thought it before, but after Lira suggested it, the idea felt right. It was like discovering a word for a concept my heart already understood. Joy flooded through me at having a way to describe it. The sneer on Shaan’s face washed that feeling away.
His nose wrinkled as he looked at me before turning towards his mother. “I am not this man’s Atalla.”
“Shaan,” his mother said quietly. It was the tone of a parent, not a leader.
“No,” he yelled. “I refuse. How could fate be so cruel to me?”
I wanted to beg to be excused, to crawl out of the room as shame washed over me. Lira needed me here for something, though. Instead, I focused on my glamour and made sure none of my feelings broke through.
The Maharani folded her hands together and gave Shaan a compassionate look. Sai strode across the room and clapped his shoulder. Shaan released a frustrated sigh but leaned in towards his brother. The picture they painted of a supportive, loving family gutted me. Even Lira seemed to belong here with them as the Maharani walked towards her and offered some comment that brought a smile to her face.
The stranger, the invader, the wrong fit—as always—was me.
Sai patted Shaan’s back as they walked in my direction towards the box. Lira approached as well and rested her hands on it. “We only have to touch it?”
Sai shrugged. “We haven’t given the scholars enough time to figure it out, but it can’t hurt to try.” He placed his hand against the box, his thumb looping over Lira’s pinky finger.
Lira raised her face to me, and I cleared my throat as I set my hand on a rough corner of the box. A design covered the surface—two diamonds and two rectangles intertwining. Shaan had his arms crossed, and Sai gave him an imploring look. Shaan jerked a hand free and set it close to Sai’s—as far from mine as possible.
The box lit up, and I yanked my hand away. Sai bowed over it, opening it to access the contents as Lira and the Maharani leaned down to look with him.
But Shaan stared at me. “No,” he gasped. “No.” A sheen spread across his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” It was all I could think to offer. I wasn’t truly, though. If I had to choose one being in this world across any point in history to be my Atalla, I’d choose Shaan. If fate gave me a hundred options, I’d pick him every time. However, I understood why he didn’t feel the same.
Sai pulled a clay tablet from the box and lifted it. He frowned.
“It’s elemental magic, Sai,” the Maharani said.
“Right.” He handed it to Lira, and she smirked at him.
It glistened in her hands, and etchings carved into the surface. A map of our world appeared, and a sparkle of magic glittered above the Prasanna palace. Lira brushed her fingers over it.
“Is that the Map of Forgetting?” I asked. That ancient relic was long believed to be lost to the sea or damaged. It contained powerful elemental magic. Father had spent his entire career finding anything with those powers and destroying them.
Shaan all but growled. “It’s not your business. We’ll take your memories before you return home, so you don’t need to worry about it.”
“No one is taking Lennox’s memories.” Lira set the tablet back into the box and raised her chin. “He’s my brother.”
“That does not make him trustworthy,” Shaan said.
Sai draped his fingers over Lira’s shoulders, and the Maharani turned towards me, the assessing leader firmly back in place in her expression. “Is it true that you wish to stop potential fighting, Prince Lennox?”
My breaths came in great heaves. Now I was afraid of losing my memories. I didn’t wish to forget Lira and I were siblings, the memories of Mother I’d gained, or—most of all—my time with Shaan. I hadn’t told the Maharani my aim which meant Shaan had discussed that with her. That shouldn’t surprise me since he’d stated he came to my room at her request. “It’s true. Discovering that my mother shared a similar aim”—I met her gaze and hoped my gratitude at her giving me some piece of my mother showed in my expression—“has emboldened my hopes, in fact.”
“We cannot trust him.” Shaan gestured to me like I was a disgusting, dangerous creature on display in a menagerie. “He’s a liar.”
“He’s not a liar.” Lira stepped closer to me, like she’d shield me. “He was in a hard position.”
“You know nothing of it,” Shaan hissed.
Sai’s eyes darted between the two of them, but he remained frozen like he wasn’t sure whose side to take.
“He won’t share about the map. He’s an elemental himself.” Lira threw her words at Shaan. “Besides, I’ll be able to monitor him because I’m returning with him.”
Sai’s head snapped in our direction. “Wait. What?”