Page 117 of Love, Theoretically
If he’s bitter about it, I cannot tell. “When did you take her last name?”
He laughs softly. “That was Millicent’s decision, actually. She had me legally change it when I was ten. I think she felt uncharacteristically guilty.” He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “I do know that she was Swedish. Blond. Her eyes had the same weird...”
“Heterochromia?”
“Yeah. She was taller than my father. And kept some detailed diaries about her work. Millicent gave them to me when I started becoming obsessed with physics.”
“Did she have any publications?”
His jaw works. “Just two. She got married halfway through her doctorate and didn’t go back to work after she had me. Her diagnosis came quickly after.” His tone is wary, like he’s choosing his words carefully.
“Why didn’t she go back?”
He exhales. “There were... issues. With the lead researcher of her group.”
“Why?”
“They had some... disagreement over their joint research. He was intensely controlling. She refused to abide. You can imagine the rest.” His face is blank. “Her diaries are... She wasn’t well when she found out that she wouldn’t be allowed back.”
“That’s bullshit. How dare he cut her out of her own research group?”
Jack doesn’t respond. His pause feels a little longer than normal. “Her work was on semiconductors.”
My eyes widen. It’s not my field, but I know a bit about it, because it’s one of the topics my mentor works on. I wonder if I read Jack’s mom’s papers years ago without even realizing it. An invisible string, tying us together. “Good stuff?”
“Very solid, yes.”
“I bet she was great. I mean, shewasa theoretical physicist.”
“True. On the other hand, she did marry my dad.”
“Good point. Maybe he used to be more... engaged with his surroundings?”
“Maybe. Maybe she needed a green card? Or the Smith money.”
“Shewasa grad student. It’s a move I can respect.”
“For sure.” His smile is fond. And has me asking, “Do you miss her?”
A long pause. “I don’t think you can miss someone you’ve never met, but...” He organizes his thoughts. Orders his feelings. “It’seasy to look at how dysfunctional my family is and laugh it off now that I have my own life. But when I was in my teens, there were times when things got really bad at home. And I’d read her diaries and think that maybe if she’d been around, everything could have been...” His throat works. “But she wasn’t.”
I’ve felt out of place my entire life, and nothing anyone ever said made me feel any less so. So I stay silent and just lean forward, hide my face in Jack’s throat, press a kiss to his Adam’s apple right as it moves. His hand comes up to cup my head, keep it there, and I feel him turn to the screen again. Bella’s pregnancy complications are getting alien-like, and he groans into my hair.
“Elsie. I can’t watch this.”
“But it’s the best part. The emotional roller coaster of her transformation. The inappropriate Jacob plotline. Her face when she drinks blood.”
“No way.”
“Fine. You may amuse yourself otherwise. But stay close, because you’re a space heater disguised as an organic life-form.”
“Perfect.” He lifts me like I’m a pliant little thing, flips us around, braces himself over me. I can only watch him in confusion while he lowers himself down my body with a concentrated frown between his brows and then lifts my hoodie as though...
Is he...
He’s not...
Is he actually?