Page 108 of The Leaving Kind
“Unless,” Tez prompted.
“Does it make sense to say I’m scared of being too happy?”
“No. Did you call Sahar?”
“Not yet, but ... I think this time I will. I’ve fallen over twice in a few months. Despite my love of drama, I think I need to talk to her. Also, I’m tired of being depressed.”
“Let me know how it goes?”
“I will.” The sound of a car in the driveway had his pulse quickening. “Someone is here. I have to go. Try to enjoy yourself tonight, hm? And if it doesn’t work out, pop by tomorrow, and we’ll sit outside and laugh about it together. Or hold hands and cry.”
“Look after yourself.”
“You too.”
While he made his way to the door, Victor thought about his relationship with Tez. How he wouldn’t have as firm a grasp on reality if not for her. She’d been the one to console him after Sunshine’s death. The one to listen while he’d explained his theory that Sunshine was his biological father.
Sunshine, the dad who’d danced. The man who’d loved to dress up with Victor and put on small, two-person plays for the benefit of Moon and Rain. The father who’d read a book a day and related the stories to everyone at night. The dad who’d dreamed.
The man with moods. With heights of happiness that had lifted him clear of earthly worries. With depths so far below the plane of mere mortals, he might never have risen again. He had always managed to, though—except for the time he hadn’t.
Victor opened the door.
“Oh.” The sound was involuntary because the man he most wanted to see was not standing on his doorstep.
The delivery driver held out a paper sack that smelled of lasagna and garlic bread. “Victor Ness?”
“Yes,” Victor whispered.
The bag was thrust toward him. “Here you go.”
It could have been Tez, Victor thought as he carried his dinner back inside the house. But it hadn’t been. There was only one person kind enough to have sent him food. To send him a meal he’d be tempted to eat.
Cameron Zimmermann.
Cam put his phone on the breakfast table, face down, and sighed.
“Proof-of-life request?” Jorge mumbled from Nick’s old seat—back to the windows. He dipped a spoon into his cereal bowl and filled his mouth with another mound of wet cardboard.
Cam winced at the imagined taste. “I swear, it’s like living with Nick all over again. Bacon is the only fit breakfast.”
“Heh. Turkey burgers aren’t going to save you if you keep eating that way.” Jorge nodded at Cam’s plate, where only the crumbs of a bacon and egg breakfast bagel remained.
Shrugging one shoulder, Cam reached for his phone and then picked up his coffee cup instead. He sighed with resignation in the direction of the cell. “I don’t know why I care.”
Jorge’s snort had almost hurricane force. “Whatever gets you through the day.”
Hitching up his other shoulder, Cam sipped his coffee. Breakfast continued in silence, Jorge munching soggily, Cam ignoring his phone—easy enough as it did not buzz with a return text.
The morning passed with a similar blend of peace and agony. Cam stewed over Victor’s lack of response and the way it made him feel. The blame fell squarely on his own shoulders. He’d told Vic things wouldn’t turn out the way he’d wanted, no matter whose feelings Cam had been trying to save. He suspected he’d known it would be his. That he’d be the vulnerable one in the equation.
That they’d chosen to go on anyway was his fault too.
At the farm, Luisa had eight delivery slips for them to deal with—the result of her advertisement that Shepard’s was going out of business. It had been the same all week: deliveries and small landscaping jobs vying for every available hour. On the one hand, Cam welcomed the packed schedule, returning to the mindset of the previous year—work, work, work. He didn’t have to think when he was working.
On the other hand, he missed the spare hour he might have taken with Victor. The thrill of a quick interlude. Sex for sex’s sake.
As they arrived at their last job of the day, Jorge glanced pointedly at Cam’s phone and raised an eyebrow. Cam shook his head. Jorge directed the truck into a driveway, and Cam hopped out with the paperwork and met the client in front of the garage.