Page 53 of The Leaving Kind

“Are you not ...” Compassion creased Victor’s brow. “Does your sexuality make you uncomfortable?”

“What? No. I know who I am and what I want.”

“I thought that maybe having served in the military, you might be less inclined to—”

“That’s not it.”

Somehow, they’d drifted across the studio toward one another again and were standing by the table where Victor had put his pad. Cam on one side of a corner, Victor on the other. In the quiet lulls between their conversation, the house had creaked and Honey had snored. This pause felt loud. As though the words they didn’t voice crowded unseen edges.

“I told you. I’m not about conversation and commitment.” Cam kept his voice low.

Just as quietly, Victor said, “Maybe that’s not what I’m looking for.”

Scoffing, Cam managed a backward step. “Yeah, right.”

Victor stepped toward his side of the corner. “What are you so afraid of?”

Breath caught in Cam’s throat. Sirens seemed to ring in his ears. “Nothing. I am afraid of exactly nothing.” He felt his shoulders draw up. “If you’d seen what I’ve seen, man. You’d know.”

Victor immediately dropped back. “Cam, I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t.” Cam shook his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that here. Used it.”

“I pushed too hard. It’s my fault.”

“I led you into it. I shouldn’t have.”

Sighing, Victor glanced over his shoulder and retreated toward his stool. He sat heavily.

Cam grabbed his T-shirt from the easel. He had it halfway over his head before he remembered it wasn’t his. As he pulled it back off, he caught the scent of Victor’s soap and cologne. The detergent he used. Longing hit him square in the chest. His body almost vibrated with the need not just to fuck but to be with. To spend a night wrapped in a scent and to wake up with it. To smell it on his own skin.

Melancholy got him next. A deeper yearning. He knew, without thinking about it, that Victor could give him what he wanted. What he’d always wanted.

But for how long? When would fate take it all away?

It was better to be the one that left.

Better to always be leaving.

“I should go.” Cam held out the shirt like an offering.

Victor eased off the stool. “Your clothes are probably dry.” They’d moved them from the washer after eating.

While Cam dressed, Victor took Honey out onto the lawn “Just in case.”

Then they helped her into the back seat of Victor’s small SUV and took their places up front.

“Where to?” Victor asked.

Cam supplied his address, and the drive passed in relative quiet except for the annoying whine every time Victor turned the wheels past thirty degrees.

“You need to check the power steering fluid. You might have a leak,” Cam said when they pulled up in front of his house.

Victor glanced over at him, mouth slightly open.

“The whine,” Cam said. “When you turn?”

“How did you know that?”