Page 85 of The Leaving Kind

Victor followed. “Cam, please?”

Cam settled Honey on the front passenger seat and turned. “What?”

Throat tight, chest heavy, Victor sorted through the minute differences between what he wanted to say and what he needed to say. Cam had half-turned away again when Victor finally managed to get a word out. “Stay.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“None of this has been a good idea, but here we are.”

Still turned away, Cam shook his head. “I told you this wasn’t going to work out the way you thought it would.”

“You did. But you had no idea what I wanted.”

Cam faced him again. “No?”

“I wanted to sleep with you. Touch you. Discover you. I didn’t want ...”

“This.” Cam sighed. “Neither did I.”

“And, yet, here we are.”

“Maybe this is where it should end.”

Victor glanced over at the front door—still ajar—as though he could pinpoint the spot of gravel where he’d entertained a similar thought. Or had he been standing on the steps? No matter. He turned back to Cam, thought about putting a hand to his chest, decided that was too dramatic, then did it anyway. “Is that what you really want?”

In the time Cam took to think about his answer, Victor’s heart soared and dipped. It hurt. How had they managed to come so far in so short a period of time? It’d been, what, a month?

“What do you want?” Cam asked, fixing him with an intent look.

Tell him to go.

Ask him to stay.

It was going to hurt either way.

“I want you. I want whatever this is to continue. Our friendship and everything that makes this more than what we want. I’m not ready for it and I know you didn’t want it, but we’re here now, and I feel as though calling it quits would mean losing not only what we have, but all of it.”

“We should have known we couldn’t just have sex.” Cam wore a wry smile.

“We did know. The both of us.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed his forehead. “I guess we did.” Cam dropped his hand. “So, listen, the reason I, um, wanted to, ah, go out tonight ... Christ, why is this so hard?”

Victor badly wanted to take his hand. Thread their fingers together again. Draw Cam into a kiss. The moment their bodies touched, they’d forget all about the concept of words and the diagrams that defined their relationship. They’d pull off their clothes, tumble into bed, and—

“You wanted to do something that wasn’t sex,” Victor said, suddenly certain he’d gotten it right.

Cam nodded. “Because I wanted to invite you to meet my niece on Sunday. My brother will be there too.”

“Oh! Yes. I mean ... Okay. How do you want to do this? Sunday, that is. Are we friends or more?”

“Honestly?” Cam snorted lightly and shook his head. “I don’t fucking know. We’re ... You’re ...”

“Is this the most awkward relationship conversation you’ve ever had?”

“God, yes.”

Victor laughed. “Nice to know we still have it.”