Page 41 of A Minute More
If he wants me, he can talk to me. He can be the one to make a move.
But he doesn’t. He never does. He just resists the pull that I feel so poignantly. How can he do that? Is his will made of steel? Or perhaps this is only one-sided.
The week passes, long and slow, my resolve crumbling. Perhaps I was too harsh, expecting him to make a move. He never makes a move….
Well, except that one time he pressed his lips against mine.
The memory of kissing him sets me ablaze as it always does, but I tamp it down, like throwing sand on a burning fire. With great concentrated effort, I watch it peter out.
That’s when I find myself out on a Saturday night with Dena and her friends. We’re downtown, standing outside a pizza place and chatting animatedly when I see the object of my obsession walking toward us. My heartbeat stutters, and I suddenly find it hard to breathe. This is the same place I saw him before when I followed him up the narrow stairwell to an unknown apartment.
Is he meeting that man again? Who is he? And why does he come here so late at night?
My mind comes up with unpleasant scenarios. I’d rather not wonder what he’s doing there. I can’t fucking imagine it. Is he kissing him? Making love to him?
My stomach swirls and clenches as I conjure those images up.
Abruptly, as if he can sense the direction of my thoughts, our eyes lock, and I wet my lips, unable to help myself. Seeing him reminds me of his lips, of the taste of him.
His mind must be in the same place because his movements falter, his eyes flicking to Dena who has her arm slipped through mine. His eyes darken, but he has nothing to be jealous of. He’s the one who ran away from me, who severed whatever that was between us by slithering out of my room without a word.
It’s been too long without a word from him.
He quickly wrenches his eyes away from mine and moves into the building to his left. I watch him disappear, my legs locked in place. I want to chase him down and yet doing so would be futile. He doesn’t want me anyway.
We eat our pizza, my mind momentarily distracted by Dena and her friends. Jude and Ollie meet up with us and we meander into a club, the music thumping through our bodies as we make our way to the bar to order drinks. But at the last minute, I pass on alcohol, ordering a soda instead, sipping on it as I take in the moving, gyrating bodies before me.
I wonder if Simon’s still at that apartment. I wonder who he’s meeting. I wonder and wonder until Dena drags me onto the dancefloor, her arms wrapped around my neck, her long legs pressed against mine. We move fluidly, our bodies flowing in a natural rhythm.
It’s easy with her. So fucking easy.
Dena smiles up at me, and I can’t help but grin back. She’s really beautiful, kind, and caring. I wish that my thoughts would gravitate toward her, but it can’t be bothered. There’s only one person that my mind has latched on to. And he’s not even here with me.
“You okay?” she asks, her lips near my ear.
I shrug and then shake my head.
“You seem a million miles away.”
I do and I can’t quite seem to bring myself to the present. Simon has managed to scramble the logical parts of me.
I turn my head so I can talk into her ear, knowing the music would drown me out otherwise.
“Just…there’s someone…but they’re not interested.”
She cocks her head, leaning in once more. “Well, then they’re an idiot.”
My lips quirk up as I pull her into a hug. She grasps on to me tightly. Our bodies are flush, my face tucked into the crook of her neck when I look up and see him through the haze of the lights and dancers.
Simon.
He’s just standing there by the entrance, his eyes wide, his lips parted as he watches me. And something hot and ugly inside me rears its head.
He left me and ignored me, I think as I meet his stare. And yet, at the same time, hope flares.
I see him swallow and a trembling hand presses against his chest. I half-expect him to leave, to turn around and bolt. It’s what he’s good at, but instead, he takes a step forward. And another and another, moving slowly through the crowd until he’s right in front of us.
I’ve stopped breathing, my body unmoving. Dena pulls away and her eyes track my gaze. She must understand this is who I was talking about because she lets go and disappears into the crowd.