Page 38 of P.S. I'm Still Yours

I knew that pact would come back to bite me in the ass.

We made it at the End of Semester party Maggie dragged me to after finals week. She’d just been dumped by her douchebag of a boyfriend, and I was feeling down in the dumps about my nonexistent love life.

We were tipsy and feeling sorry for ourselves when Mag suggested that we put ourselves out there this summer.

Maggie’s on the rebound, but I want something different.

Something real.

I’ve never had a real relationship in my life. Sure, I’ve had some college flings here and there, and I dated a guy named Ben on and off during high school, but I’ve never had a relationship exceed the one-year mark.

Let’s just say dating didn’t rank very high on my priority list after what happened to Gray.

But that all changes now.

“Remind me again why we made that stupid pact?”

Maggie points a finger at me. “Shush. You should be thanking me for getting you back in the game before your hoo-ha goes on strike for negligence.”

I snort. “Classy, Mag.”

“Now, are you going to get yourself laid, or do I need to continue with my pussy synonyms? ’Cause there’s a lot more where that came from. Lady garden, punani, vulvarine—”

I let out a chuckle, throwing my hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. You win.”

She smirks in satisfaction. “Good call.”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from sharing a dorm with this girl for the past two years, it’s that first impressions can be misleading.

I didn’t like Maggie when I first met her.

Couldn’t stand her.

I remember thinking she was a spoiled rich girl. It just seemed to me like she saw the world through privilege-colored glasses, and she does, in a way, but it’s not like she had a say in the matter.

Maggie’s parents have been saving to put her through college since she was a baby. She’s an only child with a CEO mom and a dad who just made partner at his law firm.

Oh, and her parents take her on a family trip every summer—last year was France, this year is Italy. Need I say more?

At first, I hated her for it.

I hated the fact that all of her expenses are paid for while the rest of us are barely getting by and racking up loads of student debt, but now?

I realize that was just my jealousy speaking.

And it wasn’t so much about the money—although that part did leave a bitter taste in my mouth—as it was about the easy life Maggie had led so far.

No tragedy.

No murdered brother.

No grief.

It was like a part of me was so focused on hating everyone who hadn’t been through hell that I never thought to try to get myself out of it.

Years of therapy later, I learned to accept life for what it is.

Now, I’m not saying I forgave the universe for taking Gray away from us, but I found a way to accept that he’s not coming back.