Page 74 of P.S. I'm Still Yours

It feels like someone’s constricting my lungs and replacing the air in them with pain. My sight adjusts to the darkness moments later, and I find Kane sitting on one of the pool loungers, a guitar on his lap.

He hasn’t seen me yet, his back turned.

I’d give up all I have

To go back to the start

A time where I didn’t wear

My mistakes like a scar

Break you like a promise

Your love I couldn’t keep

One day you’ll realize

The real monster is me

There’s something so raw and heartfelt about the way he sings. Years later and nothing has changed. Scratch that—everything has changed, but not this.

Not his gift.

He’s still incredible, although his voice has matured.

It’s deeper, rippling with warmth and confidence. He’s not the same apprehensive, self-conscious kid he was when he was fifteen. Back when his father made fun of him for his love of music.

I’m surprised I didn’t realize how much progress he’s made when Maggie made me listen to his albums. His new songs don’t show off his voice nearly as much as this one does.

They don’t make you feel like someone just jabbed a knife into your chest and pulled it out so brutally it ripped your heart in two. His new stuff is commercial, soulless trash compared to this.

The song comes to an end a few seconds later, and I regain control of my body, turning away before Kane catches me.

“Some things never change, do they, Hads?” His voice stops me in my tracks.

Has he known this whole time?

He rests his guitar on the lounger and rises to face me. He seems to be waiting for me to explain myself because he doesn’t speak after that.

“I’m sorry, I was just…”

A sexy smirk tugs at his mouth. “Eavesdropping? Yeah, I gathered.”

That’s what he was talking about when he said some things never change.

My eavesdropping is the only reason I even found out he could sing five years ago. It all started here. In this very house. In the sunroom where I caught him singing “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls—how ironic that it also happened to be the song that kicked off his career.

Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I’d never posted that damn video.

Would Kane still be one of the most famous male artists in the world?

Would he still be making music?

Would we have ended up together?

“I see sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong is still your MO.”

I decide to own up to it. “Looks like it.”