Page 76 of Honeyed
“This is something,” Thomas mumbles, clearly not understanding any of this decor or pageantry.
“Arthur loved it here. Clara spent most of her time in the greenhouse they had built in the gardens,” I tell him, the fact popping up out of nowhere.
“Do you plan on moving in here with Alana?” he asks as if I haven’t contemplated the same thing.
She and I haven’t talked about it, or I haven’t brought it up, I guess because I know what our collective answer would be.
“Definitely not. It’s too big, first of all, and I just know we wouldn’t want this much space even in the future. Also, it’s not Alana’s style. She loves the house she bought, and I’d never make her leave it before she’s ready to. No, this house doesn’t feel like home to me, so I wouldn’t utilize it. I’ll probably hire someone using the estate money to go through the pieces, see what I’d like to keep for sentimental value, then sell the rest before I put the house on the market.”
I thought about that part, though. Arthur wouldn’t expect me to live here; I barely spent time here when I was legally required to live here. Someone else who is passionate about this type of house will be happy to live here. I’ll make sure we find a buyer I find worthy and who deserves to occupy it.
“Smart. And I agree, this isn’t the home you two want. You’ll find that someday.”
“We’re happy where we are now.”
Things aren’t necessarily bad between us, not since he made up with and apologized to Alana, but I can’t forget what he said to me the night we walked into Hope Pizza. Thomas has always been a trusted confidante and father figure, and the tension between us is palpable.
I don’t say a word as he follows me around the house while I check on things like if the stove is working, whether I want to take anything from my old bedroom, or if anything looks out of place or tampered with. It’s been months since someone’s been in here, and it feels like ghosts are around me.
“They would be proud of you, Warren.” His gruff voice speaks up from behind me.
Turning my head to look at him as we walk up the stairs to what used to be my wing of the house, I examine his expression.
“You didn’t really know them.”
“But I know you, and you’re living an admirable life. A steady job, you’re a hardworking man, you keep your promises and love with your whole heart. You found a path even when so many were closed to you. They would be proud. We’re proud, Leona and I. All of us.”
We walk out onto the balcony overlooking the English gardens Clara had landscaped out back when I was seventeen. This view would have been some kid’s absolute dream, but I rarely noticed when I lived here. Much of my childhood was spent under this dark cloud of gloom I swore followed me around.
It’s time to level with him and put an end to this tension once and for all.
“You told me it was okay to love her, then spent the next months glaring our direction and demonstrating the act of a father who very much disapproved. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to measure up to the goodness of a man like you, to impress you, to make you accept me. Then you find out about this rumor, one that wasn’t even explained properly, and you attacked me like I wasn’t someone who would go to the ends of the earth to protect Alana and your family? That hurts, Thomas. I thought you knew me better than that, or at least trusted me more than that. Yes, I technically lied to you when we had that conversation about me being worthy of your daughter. But it wasn’t a lie, not really. I’ve loved her since before you told me not to as a teenager. You knew that. You’ve had to have always known. Even with the origin of our marriage, you should have at least trusted that I would take care of her come hell or high water.”
He hangs his head. “I do know that. I do, I swear. I just … my ego got so stubbornly caught up in the moment. I’m trying to do better, be better for you two. Us parents don’t know what we’re doing half the time either, we just pray we get it right but oftentimes, we get it wrong. Like I told Alana, there is no excuse. I can just take the next many years to make it up to you two.”
We’ve both said our piece, man to man, and I know I’ll forgive. I know this man has looked after me unlike any other father in my life. But it had to be said, and now we can work on moving forward.
“I know you will. We’ll all try harder.” I pat him on the shoulder, and the gesture evolves into a bro-hug that has emotion sticking in the back of my throat.
Thomas and I tour the property a little more, checking out the chef’s kitchen with its priceless appliances, the library whose books seem to still be dust-free despite no one living here, and the wine cellar that is still fully stocked.
“It’ll be a big task getting this place emptied and ready to sell. Whatever help you need, we’re here,” he says as we walk outside, rounding the pool and heading for the tennis courts yards away.
I nod. “It will take some time for sure. I need to go through it first and see what I want to keep. Arthur had a few things, books and knick-knacks, that really meant something to him. I’d like to keep those for my own family, to show to my children someday.”
That has my father-in-law smirking quietly to himself, and I chuckle at him trying to hide his reaction.
“If that means more grandchildren, Leona and I are more than ready.”
“We’re not in any rush, but I won’t lie and say I haven’t dreamed of a family with Alana for a long time, even when I thought it would never happen.”
The two of us enter the tennis courts, and a set of old rackets hangs on a shelf built into the side, along with a sleeve of balls. Thomas raises an eyebrow in question as he removes them, and I cross to the other side of the net.
Silence descends as we hit around lazily for five minutes, the activity bonding and peaceful out here on Arthur and Clara’s land, where no outside noise permeates and reality seems to be suspended. We both needed it to find a path to forgiveness and understanding.
I hit a ball out of bounds, but instead of chasing it, Thomas lowers his racket and walks to center court.
“I guess it’s time we discuss something else, then.” Thomas gives me a searching look. “This documentary.”