Page 73 of His Long-Lost Baby
Okay? That’s all?
And yet, I know I shouldn’t expect anything else. I’m the one who screwed up here.
“I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear,” I begin. “But I’ve been thinking about you constantly. And I know I screwed up. And I’m sorry.”
Billie’s eyes remain fixed on me, but I can’t decipher if she’s moved by my words or simply waiting for me to leave. My heart pounds in my chest, and I find myself wishing that I could go back in time and fix everything I broke.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” Billie finally responds, breaking the silence. “I’ve been trying to move on from everything that happened, and now you’re just showing up out of the blue. You told me to leave you alone, so I’ve left you alone.”
“I know,” I reply, my voice heavy with regret. “And I’m sorry for that. But I had to see you. I had to tell you how I feel.”
“How do you feel?” she asks, her expression guarded.
“Like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life,” I say, my voice trembling. “I let my anger and bitterness consume me, and I lost sight of what really mattered.”
I struggle to find the right words. Usually I’m eloquent, but Billie has a way of turning me into a bumbling fool.
“When you told me about Sara and Quinn, my first response was to blame everyone. You. Sara. I was furious you two kept my daughter from me. But then I realized that I’m the one at fault. I was awful to Sara. Of course she didn’t want me to be in Quinn’s life.”
I lick my lips, needing to get this out. “And I’m sorry I took that anger out on you, too. I shouldn’t have left you alone to deal with it all by yourself.”
Billie looks at me with a mix of emotions — anger, sadness, and maybe even a little bit of hope.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I tell her. “I just want you to know that I take responsibility for how everything has gone down. If I were you, I would have done the same thing. I would have kept Quinn’s existence a secret.”
Billie’s eyes soften as she listens to my apology. I can see her walls starting to come down, and I cling to that hope. I know that I’ve hurt her deeply, but I’m determined to make things right.
“Thank you for saying that,” she finally responds, her voice quiet. “It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong.”
“I know,” I say, nodding. “But I am. And I want to make things right, if you’ll let me. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m worthy of being a part of Quinn’s life.”
“Good,” Billie says, a small smile playing on her lips. “But it’s not just about proving yourself to me. Quinn has been through a lot, and the last thing she needs is instability.”
“I know,” I say, determination coursing through me. “I just want to be there for her. To be the father she deserves.”
Billie looks at me for a long moment, studying me as if she’s trying to read my soul. Finally, she nods.
“Okay,” she says. “We can take it one step at a time, but it’s not going to be easy. You’re going to have to work hard to gain Quinn’s trust.”
“I will,” I promise her. “I’m ready.”
I approach the bench slowly and get down on one knee in front of Billie. Her eyes widen and her breath hitches in her throat.
“There’s more,” I whisper.
“What?” Her voice is barely audible.
“Billie…” I search her eyes. “I’m incredibly in love with you.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. For a moment, neither of us says anything as the weight of my confession hangs in the air between us. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest, and I wonder if I’ve made a mistake by saying too much too soon.
Still. There’s no going back. I’ve already put the truth out there.
Might as well keep rolling with it.
“I realized that all I’ve ever really wanted is a family,” I say, “but I’ve pushed people away because I’ve been afraid of it not working out. I’ve been afraid that I’ll end up in the same situation I was in as a kid. Alone. Moving to yet another foster home.”
Billie stares at me with a mix of surprise and confusion. “I don’t know what to say,” she murmurs, her voice trembling slightly. “I had no idea that you felt this way.”