Page 90 of Leave Me Broken
“You’re a total freak!”
“I’m a dad, Payson. A dad who wasn’t getting the chance to see his son. You’ll understand when you become a mother.”
“If,” I mutter.
“What?”
Frick. This isn’t a conversation I have ever talked out loud about. I certainly don’t want to do it with my uncle. Although, maybe it could be payback for everything he said about my mother. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to have kids.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve only had like three periods.”
He lifts an eyebrow in question. “Ever?”
“Mhm, yep.” This conversation isn’t as awkward as I imagined it would be. It’s almost easy to picture him as an uncle, or a dad. A good one.
“You need to be seen about that.”
I wave him off. “I will worry about it when it becomes an issue. It’s not one right now.” I can sense he’s going to argue so I say, “Why did you pull me into the freezing cold to discuss how you fucked over my entire family.”
“I’m not going to tell you again, watch your mouth, kid. I pulled you out here to ask if you know of anyone in your mother’s life that could be capable of murder.”
“M-murder?”
Jethro dips his chin. “Your mother was found—” He pauses and for the first time tonight, I think I recognize hesitation in his face. “She was found with a slit throat. Your mother was killed, Payson.”
I hadn’t asked how my mom died. I’m not sure but it never occurred to me to ask. She was dead and that was that. But it wasn’t. She didn’t die—she was killed. I think he is talking but I can’t hear past the noise in my head. No—not noise. Voices.
I lie on my stomach on my bed, flipping through my econ homework. Mom went to bed about an hour ago, and I know he will walk into my room soon but I really need to get this work done. The lack of sleep is affecting my schoolwork, and Amanda warned me that if I fail another test, I won’t be able to play. The work isn’t too hard for me, it’s concentrating on the work. Anytime I try, my head takes me somewhere else. Somewhere darker where I don’t want to be. Then I’m down and out the rest of class, trying to recover by the next one.
I wish it would end. I wish I could move away and never look back. I hate it at home. I stay with Janelle or Ronni a lot but I still have to go home sometimes.
Like clockwork, my door clicks open. I didn’t lock it; it doesn’t stop him. I’ve tried.
“You’re meant to be sleeping.” His voice is like nails on a chalkboard. I blame it on smoking for years but maybe it’s the drinking. Maybe it’s karma, because he’s the worst freaking human to ever exist.
“I have homework.”
My door clicks shut and I go numb. His footsteps used to be so soft I could hardly hear them, but now they are heavy because he doesn’t care if my mom hears him in here. She won’t do anything. She never does. My bed dips under his heavy weight. I’m already as far over as the wall will let me but I wish it was farther.
When his hand brushes down my head and back, I shutter. The noise he lets out makes me think he likes it and I wish I hadn’t done that.
“You doing well in school?”
I don’t answer.
“You get good grades, babe?”
When his hand skims over my butt, the page in front of me turns blurry but I will not cry. I’ll wait until my hot shower after he leaves, but the urge is there.
He wraps a fist around my hair and yanks my head back. I whimper at the pain. Wide, soulless eyes bore into mine. “I asked you a fucking question.”
“Y-yes, I’m getting good grades.”
He yanks on my hair one more time before letting it go, and I fall face-first into my pillow. Do. Not. Cry.
“One day, it’ll just be you and me, babe.”