Page 42 of Thank you, Next
Her eyes fluttered when he said that, and the air in the room changed. He was suddenly conscious of being shirtless and her standing across the room in deceptively modest pajamas that were so thin they didn’t leave anything to the imagination.
She licked her bottom lip.
“It wasn’t safe to drive over here.” He added a little remonstration in his tone.
“We should talk about this.” Alex dropped her bag on the floor, and he heard some bottles—probably cosmetics—jangle together. But that didn’t break the tension between them. He took a step toward her. She took a step back. He stopped.
They were dancing. They’d been dancing for as long as they’d known each other. He wanted to be done with this dance and move on to another.
•••
Alex was not afraid of Will. She knew for a fact that if she told him that she didn’t want him, that they shouldn’t be together, he would respect that. He would respect her. But at the moment, she didn’t particularly want to be respected.
She wanted him to call her a “good girl,” but not just because she’d remembered to turn off the gas after an earthquake. She wanted to please him on an elemental level. But, after she stepped back, he turned and went to the kitchen. Not asking if she wanted something stronger, he grabbed two glasses and filled them with water. When he offered her one, she moved closer to him to grab it.
Their fingers brushed, and she gasped.
“This isn’t going away, is it?” He whispered as though he was trying to gentle her to his whims. She wanted to hate it, but she didn’t. Mostly, she was done fighting her attraction to him. It was complicated and probably ill-advised, but he was right—it wasn’t going away. They were drawn to each other, whether they liked it or not.
And maybe they had all this tension because they’d never given in to it. He was like an ultra-decadent ice cream when she was on a diet. The only reason she couldn’t stop thinking about it was that she wasn’t going to let herself have it. Maybe, if they’d ever allowed themselves to give in, it wouldn’t be as good as what they built up in their minds.
“No, it isn’t,” she said. “Maybe if we just do it once, to get it out of our systems, then we won’t be at each other’s throats all the time?”
Will laughed softly, and it was as though he’d blown over her clit. “You think I’m going to be done with you after one time?”
Alex shook her head.
“Good. Because it’s going to take at least three times.”
“Three times?” That seemed random.
Will took a sip of water and nodded. “Once, to get the lay of the land. I can’t promise to last long. I haven’t been with anyone since my divorce.”
Alex hated that she liked that. She tried her best not to put morals around sex—as long as someone didn’t harm others while expressing their sexuality, she was all for it. That was why she didn’t sleep with married men. No matter what a guy said about whether his wife was okay with it, she could never trust it.
But a part of her was thrilled at the idea that she would be the first woman that Will had after his divorce. It was like he was starting over brand-new with her. It had also been months and months. He was a beautiful man and had likely had plenty of opportunity to fall into bed with any number of other beautiful people. That he chose her made her feel special.
That was the thing about being human. There were things that shouldn’t matter that did, and things that should matter that didn’t. And judging herself for the fact that she liked being the only one for Will wasn’t going to make her like it any less.
“What are you thinking?” He moved closer to her and took the water glass out of her hand. She didn’t say anything but pressed the side of her face into his chest, which told him that it was okay to put his arms around her.
“I don’t seem to do a lot of thinking when I’m around you. I just react to things, and I can’t seem to stop myself.” She was trying to apologize, but she wasn’t doing a very good job of it. “I shouldn’t have thrown you out of my place without listening to why you didn’t want to tell people we were seeing each other.”
“I understand why you would react that way.” She could feel his voice through his skin as well as hear it. She’d missed this kind of intimacy after Jason, hadn’t realized how much she craved physical closeness with another person. She could have gone out and found sex, but she wouldn’t feel comfortable letting someone she was just having sex with hold her while she apologized to him.
“I didn’t say the right things when we were younger.” She knew he was referring to him rejecting her that first summer. “It wasn’t that you weren’t beautiful or that I didn’t want you. Even if I hadn’t been a constantly horned-up teen, I would have wanted you.”
“It’s probably better that you flat-out rejected me. It’s not easy on my pride to say that, but both of us were too young for anything serious.”
“Are we old enough now?” he asked in a faux-serious tone.
She buried her laugh in his chest hair and let her fingers roam the muscles of his back. “I don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
That was a real question. She only knew that she wanted him now, that he was the first person that she’d thought of when she needed a soft place to land tonight. He was the only man she’d ever been involved with in any capacity that she’d been willing to rely on. If it had been any of her other lovers, she would have gone to a hotel and sent them a text letting them know she was okay.
But tonight—even though the last time they saw each other was what it was—she knew that he would open the door and let her be here. He would understand why she needed him instead of a stupid hotel room. Even though he didn’t have cable and she wouldn’t be able to finish her SVU marathon.