Page 88 of Merciless

Every time I look at them, I begin to question my morals.

Am I just as bad as them?

I stop scrolling when a photo of her sunbathing outside in a bikini catches my eye.

It was three years ago. The summer she graduated high school—not that she went. We had an incredibly hot summer and she spent her whole time in the yard, wearing practically nothing, as she studied and finished her assignments to get her credits.

She didn’t think she was going to be able to achieve it. She hadn’t spent a day in a classroom in years, thanks to her father deciding she would no longer attend.

I had faith in her though. She was always incredibly smart and wise beyond her years. She just needed the chance to be able to harness it, to focus on it.

And she nailed it.

I tried to convince her to do an online college course, but she was adamant that I wasn’t paying for it after everything I’d already done.

I also suspected it was because she had every intention of running the moment she could. Another reason I was keen for her to do it. The more reasons I had to keep her here, the better.

I was trying to do what was best for her, but, deep down, there was always this selfish asshole screaming at me to do anything I could to keep her.

Anything but what she really wanted…

The more my eyes rake over her skin and the more I think about her and how incredible she is, the more my body heats.

It’s wrong. So fucking wrong, but it’s the only way I’ve been able to survive these past five years.

Did I think that day I wrapped her in my arms in the shadows of the woods on the edge of town that I was officially saying goodbye to my sex life?

No, not for one second.

It’s been worth it. Mostly.

Watching her find the incredible person who was hiding deep beneath the fear has been a privilege I never want to lose sight of.

And if holding back on my needs ensures she’s able to heal and become the person she was always meant to be then, hey, I’m pretty sure it’s worth it.

I’ve always got my right hand and my imagination, right?

I groan as my cock hardens, but I don’t reach for it. Instead, I keep my eyes focused on my wife.

She’s the only woman I’m interested in. Even if I didn’t make a promise to be faithful to her that day in the courthouse, I still wouldn’t have been with anyone else.

No one interests me.

No one makes me as hot, or angry, or frustrated, or as happy as she does.

She’s one of a kind. And I can only hope that one day she sees herself as I see her.

She won’t admit it, but I know she thinks her past makes her weak.

But really, it’s done the opposite.

She’s so strong. So incredible.

She’s a survivor.

All she needs are answers and some closure and she’ll be able to start over and fully embrace the amazing woman she truly is.

And if I’m lucky, I’ll get the chance to see it.