Page 37 of Hollow

“It was for the best,” she says in a forceful voice. “Don’t you agree?”

She’s right. She’s absolutely right. But I should have been able to make that choice for myself.

“So,” she goes on. “Are you mad at me over this now, or did you want to ask permission to stay out late with your professor? If it’s the latter, the answer is yes.”

And if it’s the former? I think. Still, I’m surprised she’s saying yes to this.

“What about Mathias?” I ask. “He can’t go so late. Besides, I don’t think Mathias needs to escort me to school anymore. And if you’re so concerned, Professor can ride back with me.”

“The professor shouldn’t leave the grounds,” my mother says. “But you’re right.”

“I am?” I look at her in surprise.

“Yes.” She folds her hands on her lap, grasping them as if to keep them from shaking. “I’ll relieve Mathias of his duties. You must carry a torch with you, but I think you’ll be safe on your own now.” She stares down at her hands for a moment. “I no longer fear you running off.”

I stare at her for a moment, not sure that I heard her right. “You thought I was going to run away? That’s why you had Mathias escort me?”

She avoids my eyes. “I was too afraid of losing you, Katrina, and I know you didn’t want to go to the school. I could sense your soul being pulled to other places, sense your dreams. You wanted to escape. I couldn’t afford to let that happen.”

I blink. That is a lot to take in. “You know I could have escaped at any other time. The only thing holding me back was you.” I reach out and take her hand. It’s so cold, her skin feeling like wax. “I didn’t want to leave you, and I won’t. And if you want me to stop going to school and stay here with you, I will.”

I wouldn’t want to. The thought of not attending the institute, of not seeing Crane again, or Paul, or wandering the grounds and listening to students laugh and practice magic pains me. But I would accept that pain if it meant my mother would feel better.

I swallow the thickness in my throat. It tastes like guilt. “Do you think that’s why you’re getting worse? Because I’m gone?”

She shakes her head. “No. We don’t know what is wrong with me. The doctor said for me to avoid all physical activity. And eat more, but of course, I have no appetite. I’ll have to save up all my energy to make it to the school on the full moon.”

“That’s in a few days. I can take you.”

“That won’t be necessary,” she says. “I can still ride. Chester knows the way. I can practically sleep in the saddle if I wish.”

Now is your chance, I think. Ask her. Ask her.

“Mother,” I begin warily, like I’m approaching a spooked horse. “What do you do when you go to the school? What do you do during the full moon?”

She stops rocking in her chair and looks up at me blankly. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, why do you go? Is it for witchcraft? A ritual?”

She stares at me for a moment, and suddenly, the room fills with a buzzing sound that gets louder and louder, like a hundred cicadas trapped in here with us, and I almost put my hands over my ears and—

It suddenly stops.

My mother smiles at me. “I like to see your aunts, and they don’t like to leave the campus. Full moons are the easiest way to keep to a schedule.”

My heart is pounding loudly in my head now, my ears still adjusting to the silence. A cold sweat forms along my forehead.

“You’re looking a little tired, dear. Perhaps you should lie down.” She gestures to the couch. “Have a nap. We’ll wake you in time for supper.”

I try to protest, to tell her I’m okay, but my feet move, and I’m up and staggering over to the couch, where I lie down. I fall asleep immediately.

* * *

A week later, Crane asks me to speak with him after class. By now, the students don’t pay us much attention. They see us on our daily walks around the school. They probably think I’m involved with him romantically, and while that’s not true, I don’t mind them thinking that either. It makes me feel special, and not in the “my aunts run the school” kind of way but in that someone as esteemed as Professor Crane might see something in me that no one else does.

I go to his desk, a thrill running up my spine. He looks at me, and I look at him, and it’s this clandestine meaning that passes between us, knowing exactly what we’re about to do.

Although I actually don’t know what we’re about to do. All he said to me was that he needed help contacting the lady of the lake, the teacher he ended up replacing who had gone mad and drowned herself in it. He had wanted a little more time to study spells and find out more about her before we performed the ritual. Tonight is the night, but what I’m actually doing as part of this ritual is beyond me. He just told me my energy would be needed.