Page 67 of Created in Chaos
“How often do you think about maiming me, lamb?” I’m pretty sure the drop in my voice tells her how much I like it.
“Too often to be healthy,” she admits.
“Then you better get your ass on that boat, because I’m certain I will do something stupid, if only to make sure you follow through with that threat.”
“Are you blackmailing me to do what you want?”
“I think this would fall more under coercion or extortion than blackmail,” I correct, but I don’t really care how she defines it.
Nova makes sure I see her eye roll before she speaks to Nox. “I won’t really need a suit then, right? I’m not getting in the ocean.”
“Pack it just in case. You might want it, even if you don’t go in the water. Pretty much everyone will be wearing them.”
“Whatever.” She spins, making her long, dirty blonde hair fan out behind her.
“I thought the boat was going to be a surprise?” I don’t take my eyes off the door she disappeared through.
“Yeah, I fucked up,” he admits, tossing his remote on the table, finally giving up his game. “I need to change.”
“Whoa, not in there.” I put my hand on his chest when he moves as if he’s going to follow Nova into the closet. “You wouldn’t let me in there with her, so you can wait too.” I grin at the payback.
He pushes my hand away and shakes his head. “I was actually planning on changing, not creeping on Nova.”
“Bullshit,” I scoff. “You would have been creeping.”
Nova exits the closet with a small bundle of fabric in her arms seconds after I get done speaking. “Are you taking a bag I could put this in? Should I grab a towel from the bathroom?” She’s so damn adorable. She wouldn’t be asking about a towel if she understood the Leviathan isn’t just a boat.
“I’m sure we can find something. Mom probably has a shit-ton of bags.” Nox looks over at me, about knocking my fucking feet out from under me. He hasn’t entertained stepping foot near our parents’ wing of the house since they died.
“A plastic grocery bag would be fine,” Nova offers quickly, as if she understands just how big of a deal this is.
“Yeah, she does. Do you want to take her to look for something, or do you want me to go get it?”
“We could all go,” Nox suggests. “She would want us to use them, right?” I love that he’s thinking and talking about Mom, but I hate his lack of confidence.
“She would,” I agree.
“I can just carry it, it’s not a big deal.” Nova is looking between us, as if she regrets even asking.
“We’ll change, then head over. There’s plenty of time. It’s not like the boat will leave without us,” I tell her while slapping Nox on the upper arm to get him moving into the closet.
It takes me two seconds to find a pair of swim shorts and pull them on after stripping. It wouldn’t even be necessary if it hadn’t been so long since we’ve been on the boat, but I’m sure there will be some pants in one of the rooms I can throw on later if it gets cool this evening.
“I can take her if you want,” I offer again after we’re both dressed.
“It’s fine. I’m the one who brought it up.”
“She would think it was cool.” I have trouble meeting Nox’s eyes when I say it, but I’m telling the truth. Mom would have loved Nova, Umbra or not, and not just because we like her. She would have admired Nova’s strength and the way she stands up to me in particular. She always told me I would need a challenge to be happy. I didn’t quite understand what she meant at the time, but I get it now.
Mom would also love that Nova sees us as individuals, but also understands we’re each half of the same puzzle. I think she would be most grateful for the peace that Nova seems to bring to Nox as well. I don’t worry about him slipping away any more like I used to. She gave him back a part of himself that I didn’t think we would ever see again.
“She would be appalled by the thought of anyone carrying a plastic grocery bag.” Nox snorts. I take a second to examine him, expecting to find the usual pain and darkness in his gaze that has been present since they died, but it’s absent. The tightness in my chest eases out of me slowly with my exhale. It’s only then that I realize I feel different too. I don’t have to tamp down the rage simmering inside me so I can pretend to be unaffected.
There is an ache in my chest, but it’s not from anger or fury. It’s loss, a feeling of emptiness I doubt will ever go away completely, but I can breathe through it and it’s not consuming my every thought.
“Let’s go see what we can find.” I urge him to leave the closet since we’re both just standing around like we don’t know what to do with ourselves anymore.
NOVA