Page 12 of Blackout

‘Nice to meet you,’ she said as she took my hand.

‘You too.’

Shea then tugged my hand and pulled me away from Zach’s shoulder and into her hug.

‘Don’t worry about me,’ she whispered to me. ‘I won’t step on your toes. Zach and I go way back.’

The ear-to-ear grin still on her face set me at ease. I tried to remember, as I pulled away from her, if she had been around before I left. I couldn’t remember, though.

‘You’ll have to excuse Shea here.’ Zach’s eyes were locked on mine. ‘It’s the same every year, and this year makes it ten.’

That answered my question. Shea had started her birthday kisses after I’d left.

‘You haven’t stepped on anyone’s toes, Shea,’ I said to her, but my eyes were still on Zach and his unreadable expression.

He hadn’t given anything away, and I couldn’t read the look on his face let alone his body language to tell how he felt. Was there something between us? What fool would think that there was anything? I was just the damsel in distress who Zach had invited to come along today, then told me he wanted to spend time with me, when he could have sent me on my way. ‘Argh,’ I silently said to my damn ruminating thoughts. When would I ever learn to just be in the moment!

Shea waved goodbye and turned on her heel, then she was off with Brock on her tail, and Zach and I were alone again.

Zach turned to me, and before I knew it, he had lifted me up by the waist and placed me on the bench that was meant to make drinks. He poured another shot, and this time, he poured two. Zach stood close enough that he was between my legs, and before he passed my drink over, I cupped his face with both my hands and pulled his ear to my lips and whispered. ‘Happy birthday, babe.’ I wanted to kiss him, but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure what reaction my kiss would get.

But I did wonder if I had the same effect on him as he had on me when he whispered in my ear. He tensed and took a step back, and I had my answer. Only his hand with my drink in it was within my reach. I took it, brought the glass to my lips, and tipped it up.

I jumped off from where I sat, and moved to pass Zach to the other side of the bar into the afternoon sun. Soaking it up, I tried to remember the last time I’d let the sun cover me in its warmth. It had been so long I couldn’t remember. Melbourne never had whether like this. It was early April and the weather was still warm here. I closed my eyes, tipped my head back and let the sunshine envelop me.

Zach, not one to be left behind, quickly reached me, spun me around and pulled me back into him. His hand reached for my shoulder and rubbed small circles on the base of my neck, I opened my eyes as his free hand tilted my chin up until our eyes were locked.

‘Zach,’ I said breathlessly, barely able to hold onto my resolve around this man. My hands though had moved of their own accord to his chest. His body felt so good under my palms, like they had somehow been there before, but I wasn’t sure. My mind could have just been playing tricks on me. What I wanted to know was why Zach had invited me here. ‘Why am I here? What is this?’ I asked as my desire to know got the better of me.

What I really wanted to ask was, ‘Why do you want to spend time with me?’ But I didn’t have the nerve to.

‘Between us?’ He’d answered with another question.

I nodded my head, and Zach dropped his fingers from my chin.

‘I want to spend some time with you.’ He had already told me that. Maybe just like me, Zach didn’t have all the answers yet.

‘Okay.’ There were no other words I could think of to say. There were only so many questions I was brave enough to ask that pushed me outside of my comfort zone, and I was already 270 kilometres out of the comfort zone I had built for myself in Melbourne. Now that I was here in Zach’s company, it was the most time I’d spent with someone that wasn’t myself or a staff member at the bakery.

Zach’s ‘okay’ to me was my hand in his while his lips pressed against my knuckles. His lips felt blissful against my skin, and it was the only gesture apart from our joined hands that let me know he was prepared to show me any emotion. Zach, the boy I had lived next door to, had also kissed my fingertips during our brief time together. What I felt now was the same as back then, and I was starting to see why Zach wanted to spend time with me.

Five

I wanted something more, not only from Zach, but myself as well. I wanted the answers to all my questions, but it was futile. This wasn’t the time for a conversation of that magnitude. I wasn’t that bold, and it wasn’t fair to hog all of Zach’s attention. This was a party, and everyone was here to have a good time. Myself included. Time to shake off the nerves, the doubts and enjoy Zach’s company.

‘Food’s ready,’ someone yelled into the afternoon air. I moved away from Zach’s presence and immediately felt his loss of heat, but he didn’t let go of my hand.

‘Come on,’ Zach said his smile ear to ear. ‘Let’s grab some food.’ And the conversation about us was over, just like that.

I was lost in thought about this man in front of me and couldn’t deny we needed to talk, but now was not the time.

Instinctively Zach squeezed my hand, and no longer was I deep in thought about his lips on my knuckles.

‘Babe.’

He hadn’t called me Harley all day. Maybe he just liked to call me ‘babe’, but my eyebrows drew together anyway at why he would do that. What did he know and wasn’t telling me? I didn’t want to make a scene, so I let Zach lead me, hand in hand, back to his huge veranda.

Zach’s friends had set up his veranda with two tables, one to sit at and the other with party food, nibbles, salads, bread, condiments, cutlery. Another friend stood by the barbeque and cooked the meat.