Page 5 of Blackout

I knew Addison was pissed at me for the last dare I had challenged her with, when she’d refused my dare to be an apprentice and help at the bakery, I had stopped paying her, stopped topping up her wage out of mine. Addison’s dare for me was revenge for cutting her off five years ago. I was surprised it had taken her this long to find a way to try and hurt me the same way I had hurt her. Was she that desperate for money?

‘Wow, a little too far,’ Mr Bartender said as he crossed his arms over his chest, his bicep muscles bulging against the short sleeves of his black shirt. Another drool-worthy moment. He raised his eyebrow again before he alleged, ‘It must have been some steam you needed to blow off.’

‘Give me a break,’ I threw at him. I sure as hell needed one, and in return, I received a look of surprise bordering on annoyance. It could have meant anything, but I guess he was disgruntled, and just like that, silence filled the air around us.

This conversation is over, I thought, but I didn’t say the words aloud. Who are you to question my actions and lecture me? If only you knew about the last ten years of my life.

How was I meant to do this? Talk about my life? Tell someone like this beautiful stranger that I didn’t know how to confide why my life sucked so much. Or that I feared I would never escape Groundhog Day. That I woke up here in this hotel room this morning, but did that mean today would be different to every other day I have lived?

I didn’t owe anyone anything, and what good would it do to spill the truth? I didn’t know this man, and he didn’t know me. As much as I wanted to believe that he was a stranger to me, I was once a part of this community. Had I already forgotten the people I’d left behind when the world crumbled underneath me? I’d never returned since that fateful night.

I knew I couldn’t change what had happened back then, or what was happening now, but there would be no escaping or evading the dare that a revengeful Addison had thrown in my face. I would have to work out what I was going to do, not only now as I tried to leave, but with Addison’s dare as well.

I threw the sheet and doona away from my legs. I wanted out of here, and I wanted out of here right now. I shifted to get out of bed, and the sudden movement to stand unsteadied me and brought on a bout of nausea that made me sit the fuck back down. Another round of nausea, I wouldn’t be able to fight off.

‘Bucket,’ I managed to mumble just loud enough to be heard. My chance to leave was halted, and once again, as the bucket reached my grasp, I threw up.

He crouched down in front of me and rubbed tiny circles on my legs that hung over the edge of the bed. I hugged the bucket, and still lucky for me I didn’t miss.

‘I told you to take it easy.’ The bartender had a smirk on his face.

Did he care? Was that a moment? My heart thought so. But it was over as soon as the bucket was taken away, and once again my mess was flushed.

I was baffled, or was that my hangover? He gave nothing away. His composure was completely unreadable. Stoic without fault.

‘A pretty woman like you should take care of herself when she’s out drinking. You never know who might take advantage of you. You’re lucky I was working last night and was keeping my eye on you,’ I was told sternly.

‘Keeping an eye on me or stealing glances at me whenever you had the chance?’ I let slip out of my mouth. Was my hungover brain flirting with this man?

He was silent. Not responding told me what I thought was true. He was checking me out. I threw the pillow next to me. It hit him mid-stomach, and in return I received another raised eyebrow. Arms closed around the pillow I had just thrown, but he didn’t hold onto it; just like a hot potato, the pillow landed back on the bed.

‘Oh, is that right?’ I tried to hide my face, but I wasn’t the only one grinning.

‘It’s okay to want to blow off steam, but not to the point you pass out on a stool at the bar. Alcohol isn’t the answer to solving your problems.’

My whispered words hung between us. ‘I know.’

I felt worse now than the first time I vomited. I laid back down to see if that made me feel better. I guess I would have to close my eyes and try to sleep off the consequence of my need to blow off steam. Damn. I cursed my stupid self, this hangover and passing out. My choices that had led me here to this moment weren’t the best, and I would have to learn to make better choices in the future. Find another way to deal with my stress that didn’t leave me vulnerable.

While I was giving myself a hard time about last night, I also cursed my life, my Groundhog Day, and the choices that both Addison and I had made that led her to dare me into singing in a public setting. Thoughts of singing with my sister in public again after I’d blacked out on a karaoke stage kicked the churning in my stomach into gear. I was thankful I was already lying down. What was I going to do with the dare Addison had given me?

The man in black covered up my almost-naked body and brushed my hair away from my face. His touch was gentle but didn’t linger. This man didn’t need to be this nice to me. He could have demanded I leave the moment I woke up, taken me to reception to pay for my tab and this room and sent me packing. But he didn’t, and I wondered why. Did he see something he liked in my fragile state, under my smokescreen of make-up and shorter champagne-blonde hair? Or did he just like rescuing damsels showing signs of distress? I didn’t know. I needed to be not in this condition to ask those questions.

As he turned to walk away, my body screamed, ‘Don’t leave’. My hand reached out to grab his arm as my mouth whispered, ‘Stay with me.’ If this man wasn’t in a hurry for me to leave this hotel room, then I wasn’t in a hurry for this man to leave me either. I wanted more sneaky glances across the bar and a conversation that didn’t involve a lecture from him. But would I get what I wanted?

I watched as he climbed over me to sit on top of the doona and rest his head against the back of the bed. I snuggled in to get as comfortable as a hotel bed would let me. I outstretched my arm in front of me, my fingers stopping just short of his leg. His body was close to mine, and I felt his hand move to cover mine. Heat travelled through me that I had only felt once before. If my hangover hadn’t fogged up my brain and clouded my memories maybe I would have remembered the last time I had felt this heat. My heart fluttered again and skipped another beat, and a moment later, I had fallen asleep.

Two

I woke to an empty hotel room, unsure of how long I had been out for. I slept a deep sleep that I never thought was possible again without blacking out from exhaustion first. I sat up slowly, did what I was told and took it easy. I felt better, the nausea had now passed, and my tummy rumbled. I was hungry now.

Reaching around for my bottle of water, I saw a note stuck to it that read: Don’t go anywhere. Take these. I have errands to run. Be back when I’m done, with a smiley face in the bottom corner. I thought about the note and waking up alone, and a memory niggled in the back of my mind that left me wondering before it disappeared: Would things have been different five years ago if a note had told me to stay?

I swallowed the tablets, drank the rest of the water and silently looked around at the room I had stayed in. Although it was a typical hotel room, it was fancier than what I had ever stayed in before. Not that I had stayed in many, but this one certainly took the prize money, and for this little country town, it said a lot. The hotel room was spacious, and the bed I slept in was a queen. Two lounges faced the television at a right angle and the kitchenette was a modest straight line that included a round kitchen table. The bathroom from where I sat looked like the rest of the hotel room, modern.

I pushed back the bed covers and stood next to the bed. So far, so good. There was no dizziness, no blurred vision. Looking down, I saw I was still in my underwear. Moving around the bed and behind the sheer curtains, a sliding door led me out to a patio where I could sit and look out over the Murray River. I wanted to go out there but what I needed to do first was find my stuff.

I walked over to the bathroom. Nothing. Then I passed the lounge before heading to the kitchenette where I found my keys and phone on the kitchen table but no debit card. It must still be behind the bar. Pressing the home screen on my phone, I sighed when I noticed the messages and unanswered calls that I was just not ready to deal with. My family and the bakery would just have to wait.