Page 21 of Falling for You

“Do you mind sleeping in the bed with me? I really don’t want to sleep alone.” She looks so vulnerable that I can’t help but nod.

“Sure, no problem.” Well, fuck it is a problem. For her I’ll make sure it’s not.

I shut the door behind me and lean against it. I strip and turn on the shower. I brace my hands against the shower wall and let the water rush over me. The warm water provides little relief to the scrapes and bruises starting to form on my knuckles. I flex my hands. Damn, I hit Brad so hard that I hurt now. Still, I wish I could’ve done more to stop him before he ever hurt Ronnie.

I close my eyes. I’ve never felt that much rage before. Underneath the rage, lies guilt. I’ve been the one to cover up for Brad before. Granted, he never did something like this, but there have been fights. The worst was the bar fight he got involved in when he was high as a kite. I had to visit that guy in the hospital and pay him off. I knew Brad had problems with rage but I ignored it, because it was easier to keep going and keep covering for him. I was so worried about taking care of myself and my mom that I didn’t think of others. Now, the guilt threatens to drown me.

The water is starting to cool so I straighten. I dry myself off and try to mentally prepare for sharing a bed with Ronnie. She needs comfort and to feel safe. For her, I can be the good guy. For her, I have to be.

Chapter Twenty

I wish real life was like a movie. The ominous music begins to play and you know that the heroine is about to encounter some scary stuff. In real life, there’s no warning. -Ronnie

Ronnie

I listen to the water in the shower cut off. I automatically tense up. I’m nervous about sharing a bed with Sawyer, but I need to. I feel scared and helpless, and the feelings threaten to overpower me. I’m eighteen years old and I’m supposed to be a woman now. Tonight, I feel like a little girl again.

I’m restless and anxious. I close my eyes and I can still picture Brad’s face and the all-consuming rage in his eyes. I don’t understand how someone can get so angry like that. I don’t want to think about what would have happened had Sawyer not shown up. Sawyer never even paused when he went after Brad. His defense of me was automatic and so forceful. I push all thoughts of Brad and earlier tonight out of my mind. I want to block it all out. I want to focus on now, and I want to take back my own control. The idea that someone could make me feel so defenseless makes me angry and frustrated. I am in charge of my body and I decide who touches me.

I toss and turn for a few moments. What would have happened if Sawyer hadn’t saved me? He really is my knight in shining armor. My heart beats faster as I think of him coming out of the shower and lying next to me. I close my eyes tightly. I was telling the truth. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I don’t want to play the memories from tonight over and over again in my head. I want to forget. I want to be just as innocent as I was a few hours ago.

Even after a shower, I feel dirty. Maybe I encouraged Brad? I mean, I let him kiss me before. Doubts and fears creep through my mind. I can’t help but think about my mom. Would she be disappointed in me? Would she think I led him on? I shake my head in denial. No, nobody deserves what he did to me. I whimper and a tear slides down my cheek.

I hear the bathroom door start to creak open and I sink further under the covers.

“Are you okay, Ronnie? I thought I heard you say something.” I peek my head out of the covers to see Sawyer dressed in a t-shirt and boxers.

I wipe my face and worry flashes across his. “N..no, I’m fine. Just really tired.” I fake a huge yawn and burrow under the covers.

“Are you sure you want me to sleep in the bed? I really don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

“No, I’m fine. I mean, we’re both adults. We can handle it.”

“Right, of course.” He lets out a deep breath and slowly crawls under the covers on his side.

He turns out the lamp next to him and the room is plunged into darkness. I sigh and turn over to face the wall. It’s been such a long night. My body is tired, but my mind is racing.

Chapter Twenty-One

I don’t like to think about the past, but every once in awhile thoughts of it suck me in. I’ll be perfectly fine, and then shit happens and I remember once again who I am and who exactly I come from. -Sawyer

Sawyer

I can hear her soft breathing and she shifts slightly. I’m pretty sure she’s having as much trouble sleeping as I am.

“Ronnie?” I ask softly.

She turns over. I can see her face in the light coming in from the window. “Yes?” She sounds shy and unsure.

“I’m so sorry about tonight. I know I said it before, but you shouldn’t have had to go through that.” I want to reach out and touch her, but I hesitate.

She sighs. “I can’t help but think maybe I did something to encourage him. I came on the trip with him. I shouldn’t have put myself in that position.”

Now it’s my turn to sigh. “Ronnie, do you mind if I touch your face?”

“No.” Her voice is barely a whisper. I reach out and lightly touch her cheek with my hand.

“Listen to me. Brad is an asshole and after tonight, obviously a criminal. You did nothing to cause what happened to you. Never think less of yourself because of him.”