Page 57 of Redemption

She glares daggers at me, making me squirm. I had no idea Nathan had found a lady with so much bite. On the other hand, who else would have managed to capture his heart?

Salvatore slams his hand on the table again, making everyone jump. “Excellent! I don’t give a fuck about your motive. Seems we have a plan. Everybody, for now, this stays between us in this room, in the immediate family, until we have it under control. And you—” he turns to me.

“Stay away. I fuckingknow!”

I’ve watchedthem from a distance. Her and the baby girl. Luci can’t know I go here sometimes. I stay at Matteo’s. He has my back and won’t tell anyone of my desperate visits.

Funny how the things you can’t have are what you want the most.

I never meant to approach her again. I didn’t want to disturb the peace, sully the beauty and the light, the life I can’t take any part in. She hurts me by living on, by being breathtakingly beautiful and strong, by making a life for herself and our child.

I need it badly. The hurt. I deserve it.

I watch them, my girls, feeling a twisted sense of pride over what I’ve achieved. It’s something I knew I’d never experience, but here they are. My baby and my woman. Proof I’m human.

Kerry would surely disagree.

Kerry.

I think she suspects I’m around. She suspects, and she punishes me by refusing to hide, by refusing to be afraid anymore. And it works. They exist in this world, and I’m left alone and broken.

Shattered.

The little one has my eyes. I would want to hold her. Just once. I bet she’s soft. Like her mom. But I’ll never know her. She can’t know me. I’m too fucked up, too dangerous. That little lady and her mom don’t need me in their lives.

I can’t figure out why she kept it. My child. No one would have blamed her if she’d have gotten rid of it. My daughter. Not even me.

This binds us. She must know this, and yet she chose it.

This ties us together forever.

I can never leave her, and I can never be with her. I hate myself, and I will always wonder if things could have been different between us, if it could have gone on a different path. The pull they have on me is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt. I’d go to the end of the world and back for them.

She looks so lost, forlorn. Sydney has tried to find an in to get to know Kerry, but she is a recluse and Sydney hasn’t had a chance so far. I ache when I see her, and the urge to help grows. Surely she’d at least accept some money?

Finding a way into her building and bypassing the alarm is a piece of cake. I inhale her scent, sniff the little one’s pillow. She smells of powder and sunshine. It makes my dark heart clench in despair.

A note on her kitchen table. Just that. I don’t want to bother her, I have no right, but just that.

A note.

The next day she is gone.

Really fucking gone.

The last trace of them ends by an ATM on an adjacent street.

Kerry doesn’t resurface. As the weeks pass, my whole life turns into a ball of agony, eating away at my insides.

Is she dead? How the fuck does a regular person manage to disappear completely?

“It’s all right.Back down, Ivan.” Salvatore stops his guard from jumping me as I storm into his office. “What seems to be the problem, nephew?”

“Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole fucking life!”

“So much anger. Have a seat.”

“I prefer to stand,” I grit out through clenched teeth.