Page 24 of Until He Confesses

Thus, she had remained the sore spot in my heart that I couldn’t heal and yet couldn’t get rid of until now. I wanted to be furious about how she was acting as though all of this between us wasn’t all her fault but at the recollection of the pain I had glimpsed in her eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was missing a very important part of the puzzle that our relationship was in my heart.

I continued with my shower and after I was done wrapped a towel around my waist, and headed out into the bedroom. I saw that the curtains had been opened and she was sitting in one of the single armchairs staring out the windows.

She was now dressed in a huge white robe with her hair still damp and down her shoulders.

I truly didn’t know what to say or how to react but what I knew was that I didn’t want to leave just yet, so I headed over to the foot of the bed and took a seat. Then I took the second towel I had brought along with me to my own hair and began to dry it.

“You should dry your hair,” I said but she didn’t respond to me. I looked up once again and couldn’t help but grow irritated because just as easily as she had always done, she was keeping me in a state that severely disrupted my internal emotions and balance.

Thus far in my life, she was the only one that was able to do this to me and it astounded me to no end. How someone so petite and seemingly reserved could affect me so immensely.

I had experienced losses thus far both financially and otherwise that hadn’t even been enough to make me blink, but with her one tantrum, I was ready to pull my hair out.

Yet I didn’t want to leave. I was content to just watch her sulk, and this made me realize I was still in trouble, and until I was able to somehow get rid of the hold she had on me or at least find a way to reconcile our past differences, this would always be the case.

I simply asked.

“What’s wrong?”

It was left to her to interpret the question the way she wanted. Whether she wanted to use it to address what had happened between us years earlier or whether she wanted to use it to address what had just happened between us in the bathroom. It was all left to her. And if she chose not to address anything at all then I was ready to take my leave because this was not a woman that I wanted to go out of my way for in every single way once again.

She didn’t respond and instead continued staring out of the window, not even bothering to look at me.

I waited until eventually she spoke.

“I think you should leave.”

I wasn’t exactly surprised at her words, but I also didn’t expect to feel the extent of disappointment that I did at them.

I started to rise but at the last moment, something occurred to me.

So, I asked.

“Why?”

She remained silent for a few minutes, and then she turned to me in anger.

“What do you mean‘why’?”

“This wasn’t supposed to be some deep emotional reunion between us, was it?”

She watched me and then she said, “You're right. I was going to use you as much as you were me.”

Something about her words pressed down on that sore spot in my heart but I ignored it and continued.

“So why don’t you? Why spare yourself the pleasure?”

She continued to stare at me.

“That’s what it’s always been about to you hasn’t it?” she asked. “The pleasure and solely that?”

My frown instantly deepened because I was sure then that she was joking.

Without a further word, I rose to my feet and headed back into the bathroom to grab my clothes. In no time I was dressed but the more clothes I put on the more reluctant I was to leave. I wanted this night with her. I realized more than anything. And if I left now, I didn’t know that we would ever see each other again and suddenly that terrified me more than I even wanted to admit to myself.

I returned to her and the moment the words came out of my mouth I knew just how desperate for her I had become. My only hope was that this wouldn’t be clearly obvious to her and instead, she would perceive it as my mere attraction to a woman.

She turned at the words and looked at me almost in shock.