Page 89 of Until He Confesses

"And then what?" her tone got even colder, and I turned to her in annoyance, wondering how I had to repeat any of this. She was an adult for heaven's sake. She stared at me, and then she sighed.

"No wonder you've been a mess all evening."

"I haven't been a mess all evening," I interjected, but she ignored me.

"He asked you to meet tonight, didn't he?" she asked, and I nodded. She looked at the time on the television screen.

"How long do you have?"

I told her, and she asked me to explain it all. By the time I was done, life had come back to her face.

"You have to go," she said. "This is a way for you to get over him. I feel like you've never quite gotten him out of your system, and as a result, you've always remained… I don't know how to put this."

I was surprised to hear this, so I turned to her.

"I thought you'd be talking me out of this?"

She seemed as conflicted as I was.

"I know you, but you know yourself even more," she said. "So, when you had this in mind, you knew that it was definitely going to hurt you if you didn't have a way to pay him back. You've made the agreement, so you need to decide if you want to stick to it. I don't think there will be any second chances after this, and I think that in a way, being able to call you in this way and have you show up is the biggest high he gets, more than anything else."

I looked at her and considered her words, realizing that she was right.

"Hm," I said, and she nodded.

"You're not worried that I'm going to get hurt, and that this is a bad idea?"

"You're going to get hurt alright," she laughed, and I was taken aback.

"But I've watched you for so many years and you've never quite gotten over him. I've seen it in the way you handle other relationships and compare them to him..."

I looked at her, thinking about her comment.

"You're always hesitating with everyone else," she said. "You might think you're not hurt and maybe you're not, but you're not completely healed either."

"And you think that he's the one that can effect that change?"

"No one else has worked," she said, meeting my gaze boldly. "So why not try something different? I mean, he's safe… to an extent, as long as you don't get pregnant. Please don't get pregnant," she prefaced. "Then it should be fine."

At her words, I returned to lying on my back and kept my focus on the ceiling.

"Or-" she started, and something instantly told me where she was going with this.

"Shut up," I said, and she laughed.

"It could set you up for life," she continued.

"Yes, set him up to be a fucking burden on me."

I got to my feet, not exactly deciding not to go but just needing a change in position so I could think properly. She sat up as well, propping her head on her elbow.

"So... are you going to do it?" she asked.

I sighed and looked at the time. I found myself grabbing the quickest outfit I could find.

"A taxi should get you there on time. Where does he live, by the way?" she asked as I found a jacket.

"Manhattan," I replied, and she whistled in appreciation.