Page 35 of Insufferable Boss

"Don't gloat," I said. "My head's about to explode."

"Tired from work or..."

“I wish it was from work. I know how to decompress from that. Instead, I'm in a bar drinking on a Monday night."

She laughed out at this.

"Alone or-"

"Alone, of course," I replied. "Who else would I be with?"

"Just checking," she said.

"So, what happened?" she asked.

It took me a long time to respond to this.

"It's less about what happened and more about what I did."

"Uh oh," she said. "Did you hit his head with a phone or something?"

"No, but I'm sure someone hit my head with something."

"Jesus, you're making me frustrated and curious all at once, spill it out already."

Remaining silent, in my defense, that afternoon had already happened.

“Did you go all the way?”

I lowered my tone and my head.

“No,” she started, “he started stroking himself in my office. Instead of me kicking him out-”

“Wait what?”

“I’m not going to repeat that.”

“Oh,” she said and I knew she was holding back her laughter with all her might. Eventually, she was able to swallow it down and then she cleared her throat.

“Go on…” she said.

“This is not a joke,” I replied. “At first, I thought he was joking that he wasn’t going to do it. I kept rejecting him and then he did, and the way he looked at me, and the way he looked while doing it… God. He was slow, deliberate… and fuck… I would have probably set anyone else on fire, but as I watched him, it felt like someone had set me on fire. I’m still on fire. I don’t even know if I can go to sleep. It’s either I call him now to release me from my misery or I go after someone else in this fucking bar.”

“Uh-oh,” she said. “I do hear it in your tone.”

I sighed.

“He is handsome,” she said. “I understand.”

“No, it’s beyond handsome. No handsome guy could pull off what he did in my office today. I couldn’t look away. I wanted him like…”

“He must have been a pretty one then.”

“Fucking beautiful,” I exclaimed. “Right length, unbelievable width… just… I’m in fucking trouble. I think I have to move back to LA.”

She laughed out again, and then she apologized.

“I’m sorry, I know this is serious, but I’m just so giddy because I predicted this.”