Page 136 of Love Me

A second ago, I didn’t think I could feel any worse. Yet, seeing the profound sadness in her eyes makes my legs go weak. I might have fallen if it weren’t for Diego’s hand at the small of my back. He’s at my side in the blink of an eye.

“Monique,” my mother says just above a whisper. Her voice is thin, as if the emotion in it weighs too heavily for it to fully come out.

“I—” I don’t finish because I don’t even know what it is I want to say. My gaze drops to the ground, and I see the shattered pieces of a glass vase that held a beautiful bouquet of rainbow roses.

I continue to stare at the broken glass, puddle of water, and flowers on the floor because I can’t meet my mother’s eyes. The shame welling up inside of me is too much.

“No,” Diego says when my mother starts to bend down to pick up the pieces of the vase. “Let me,” he says in a voice that breaks my heart.

It reminds me of how utterly and deeply in love with him I am. As I watch him grab a broom and go about the work of cleaning up the flowers, I avoid my mother’s eyes. Neither one of us speak. I don’t know what to say, but I can tell by the glances I sneak over at her, she wants to say something.

“I’ll take the broken glass out to the garbage,” Diego breaks the silence, the dustpan in his hand, holding the broken vase.

“Diego,” my mother stops him with an arm, “can you give me and Monique some time to ourselves?”

I swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. He looks back at me. I can see by the look in his eyes he doesn’t want to leave. But he turns and gives my mother a small smile.

“Of course.” His voice sounds so strained. “I think you two need to talk.” He says the words to my mother but stares at me as he says them.

He moves to me, placing a kiss on my cheek. When he pulls back, our eyes meet. The look in his eyes silently conveys me that our talk isn’t over either.

I watch him exit the door, as does my mother, before she turns back to face me. The tears still in her eyes make it difficult to breathe.

The quiet that fills the space between us goes on for an indeterminate amount of time.

My mother is the first one to break the silence.

“You know the truth,” she says.

CHAPTER35

Monique

Those four words cause the band around my heart to tighten. I don’t have to ask what truth she’s referring to. It’s the same truth that’s been a wedge in our relationship since I was seventeen years old and found out how I was conceived.

I nod because words refuse to form in my mouth.

“How long?”

I pinch my lips together. I know the answer is going to hurt her, but lying at this point is futile.

“Nana told me right before she passed,” I tell her.

My mother’s hand covers her mouth but not before I see the quivering of her bottom lip.

“Monique,” she moves closer, taking my arms in her hands, “that was …”

“Eleven years ago,” I finish for her.

“You’ve known the truth this long and never said anything.”

I dip my head because the tear that rushes down her cheek feels like a knife slicing its way into my heart. “How could I?”

The question comes out as a whisper.

Her hands tighten around my arms as if she’s trying to make sure that I don’t get away.

“I can’t believe …” She pushes out a harsh breath. “You had to deal with that all alone.”