Page 24 of We're All Liars
That fucking night almost cost me her. It was my fault. My unhinged headspace. But I won’t go back there again—not even for my brother’s sake.
“He didn’t wager on a loss. So as long as you win, he does too.”
That son of a bitch. Of course. Now, I’ll win knowing he’ll benefit from it too.
“Who did he make the bet with?” Morgan asks.
“I don’t know.”
Dustin is lying. I know he is. And Morgan must too because she singsongs, “Sure you don’t.”
“I made him leave the apartment. Mom is back across the lake. So it’s just me. I’ve been hanging out at home alone. If you would’ve returned my call, I could’ve told you that. You don’t have to mooch off the Kings anymore.”
Again, he’s angry at the situation Dad has put him in, because he was perfectly happy to have replaced me with Dad not so long ago.
“I’d rather be a mooch than Randall Crawford’s chump.”
“Y’all really need to stop.” Morgan intervening in an attempt to keep the peace throws me off enough to get my attention. “Seriously. Is that prick really worth arguing over?”
“No.” I turn back to Dustin. “But I knew he wasn’t worth the effort beforehand.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Morgan stands and appears more annoyed than anything. “Get the ‘I told you so’s’ out of your system. Because if you take it out on your brother, you’ll regret it. Then I’ll have the pleasure of telling you I told you so.” She gives me a quick kiss as she walks past us and adds, “You really need to cash in that meal ticket. Then we don’t have to spend all our time here with that piece of shit.”
Of course she’s bitching about the sailboat as she walks out of the old building. But I know she’s only doing so for the sake of dramatics. But she is spot-on about one thing. “She’s right. That bastard shouldn’t come between us. And I won’t tell you I told you so, but I will let you know that I don’t care what mess he has gotten himself—or you—into. I will win the game. And it won’t be for him.”
“I thought he’d try harder this time. I really thought there was a chance. You were correct—he’ll never change.” Dustin turns and starts to leave as he says, “I’ll catch you later.”
“Still going to Mom’s for Thanksgiving?”
“Yeah. Her new man has a big family that always gets together.” He hesitates before adding. “You’re invited too. And the good thing is there will be so many people around, so it shouldn’t be awkward.”
That seems more like hiding than facing anything, but I won’t be there either way. Though it makes me think of what Mom said about why she left and found a new life and husband. “Mom said something happened with you that made her think we were better off without her.” His face pales, his movements become a little jittery as he breaks eye contact with me. Shit. I know that look. I’m not going to like this. At all. “Just fucking tell me. Because the only thing I can’t handle is another fucking lie.”
There’s a heavy silence as he walks over to the old stool I have next to the boat and sits down. “The day she left, she’d called and asked if I’d pick you up from practice because she needed a break. She was crying and saying she couldn’t handle everything anymore and needed some time to herself. That she couldn’t stop thinking that everyone would be better off without her.” He takes in a struggled breath. “I told her to just do it. That we didn’t need her. I didn’t realize she was serious until I got the call from the hospital. And even then, I didn’t want to believe it. And couldn’t bring myself to go see her.”
“Why the fuck would say that to her?” I get it. But how could he tell her that? “And why wouldn’t you tell me all of this three fucking years ago?”
“I was so angry at her.” He takes a sharp breath and swallows like he’s got something stuck in his throat. “Dad is a piece of shit. I get it. But I’d caught her fucking my roommate inmygoddamn bed.”
Shit, that’s a lot to take in. And I don’t know which is worse. That he knew where she was. Or that he told her to kill herself. Or that she fucked a college dude in her son’s bed. God, I don’t even know what to do with all this.
But Dustin continues before I have to think of something to say. “I never thought she would actually try to hurt herself. And I never thought she’d just abandon you.” He barely makes eye contact with me as he utters, “It was my fault she left that day.”
I get why he’d think that, but there’s no way I’d ever be angry with him about her decisions. We all made stupid, irreversible choices back then. I know I’d take back mine in a heartbeat, and I’m betting they would too. However, at the end of the day, Mom didn’t just leave that day. She stayed away for years. And now I realize why Dustin tried so hard to make it up to me. “Guilt. That’s why you took me in. That’s why you got hired at Saint Juliet.”
He nods. “Partly. But the main reason was because you’re my brother. And you didn’t deserve our shitty parents any more than I did. But I think they did the best they were capable of.”
Now that I have a lot to say about. “Bullshit. I don’t have to accept their scraps because they are shitty people.” I glance over the tattered sailboat. My dream. Despite whatever else comes at me in life. “And more importantly, I won’t let them ever do it again.”
“And what about me? Do I have a place in your life?”
There’re still a million different emotions going through me. But he’s my brother. “Depends. Do you really believe I’m with Morgan for her money?”
He shakes his head. “But maybe I’m a little jealous of that fancy lifted pickup outside.”
“What pickup?”
“There’s one in the lot. I just figured it was yours because it has a Saint Juliet parking sticker on the window.”