Page 87 of Irresistible Rogue

“And I wasneveremotionally involved with him.”

“Jolie, I love you. But yes, you fucking were. You still are.”

“No. I still hate him.”

“Hate is an emotion. And in this case it is an all-consuming, life-altering head fuck and heart fuck of an emotion, because you are still obsessed with him.”

I drew back. “I am not obsessed with Shane Madrigal.”

“Okay, other than your mom’s wedding, he is the only thing you’ve talked about since you came back.”

“Because seeing him again was hard! He hurt me that night.”

Alyssa softened. She said nothing as what I’d just admitted sank in.

“I know he hurt you, babe,” she said gently. “That’s the point. And whether it’s truly hatred or whatever else, it’s a feeling.”

“No, it’s not,” I insisted. “I don’t have any feelings for him.”

“Negative feelings are still feelings. And they come from somewhere. If you didn’t feel anything, you wouldn’t care. You would’ve walked away after that night in Whistler and never looked back.”

“I would’ve loved to! But my mom is marrying his dad, so unfortunately, I will have to see his face a time or two over the years whether I like it or not.”

“So fucking him again was a great way to deal with that?”

“I don’t know,” I said, frustrated. “I just… needed to, okay?”

“Why?”

“Do we really need to get into this? I can’t right now.”

Mostly because I did not want to think about why. I’d been asking myself why all night and I didn’t like the answers I was coming up with.

Fuck. Who was I kidding?

Not my best friend, clearly.

“You’re right, okay?” I admitted. “I have feelings. And they are definitely of the hatred variety. As in I kind of hate myself for not being able to stop thinking about him. Maybe I thought last night would be some fucked-up kind of closure. Or it would be a victory for me. Or something.” I groaned. “But can we just move forward right now? I just need to get through the next month.”

Alyssa was giving me that look that said I would not get away with not talking to her about this. But luckily for me, it was hard for her to be mad at me when I was so clearly at a disadvantage.

“Okay.” She eyed me skeptically. “Moving forward. You want lunch? I was going to order in. Margot’s buying, and you look like you need it.”

“Yes. Please. And can we hang tonight? Go somewhere for margaritas? And talk about something else? Bring David. I haven’t seen him in so long.”

She frowned, but softened. “Yes. We can do that. He’d love that.”

Great. Because a night with my bestie and her boyfriend was probably what I needed most right now. You know, to be reminded that there were good guys out there and loving relationships that worked and made sense.

There was no need to fret about screwing Shane Madrigal on any level. Because it was now in the past.

I just needed to keep my mind occupied so I didn’t get completely lost in my head about it. It was a loopy place in there, and I wasn’t going round and round on this. All the spiraling that would normally follow a hookup with a guy I liked was out the window here. Did he like it? Did he like me? Was I gonna see him again?

Big nope.

I couldn’t start letting any of those questions run rampant in my head, because Iwasn’tgoing to see him again.

Not likethat.