Page 25 of No Rules
Wander chuckled. “Well, you also came with other qualifications, but I noticed your desire to connect with others. You’re a peacemaker, someone who strives for harmony, and that’s a beautiful thing.”
“Kinda funny if you consider my father’s lifelong Army career.”
“Not really. Some of the best military men in history were peacemakers. The key is to recognize when you should talk and negotiate and when it’s time to make a stand.”
“My dad always said you can’t talk about peace with people who are shooting at you.”
“Your father is a wise man. But let’s get back to you and your feelings about Ryan.”
“They’re notfeelingsfeelings. It’s not like I have a crush on him.”
Wander quirked an eyebrow. “No?”
“No! Why would you think that?”
“Because it seems to bother you that he keeps you at arm’s length.”
“Yeah, but that’s because…” How did he explain this? He’d have to give Wander more context, or it wouldn’t make sense. “I spent a big part of my teenage years in Hawaii, on Oahu, because my father was stationed there.”
“I remember that from your résumé.”
“One of the things that stuck with me is the concept ofohana. Ohana is about family and community, but it goes far beyond blood relatives. It’s about being connected to those around you, those you choose to make part of your extended family, your chosen one, so to speak. That means everyone who comes into your life becomes part of your circle. Friends, neighbors, even coworkers.”
“That’s a beautiful way of looking at those kinds of bonds.”
“Well, that’s what our group here feels like. Like we’re an ohana circle, like a family. Right?” At Wander’s nod, he continued, “But Ryan doesn’t seem to want to be a part of it. He’s on the outside, looking in, and it’s by his own choice. I don’t understand why. Why doesn’t he want to get close to us?”
Wander leaned back in his chair, sipping his coffee as he studied Alex with a thoughtful gaze. “Ryan is a complicated man. He’s been through a lot, and it has left its scars. That’s hard for you to understand, perhaps, because you’re still so young. And that’s not criticism but a statement of a fact.”
“But he also doesn’t want to connect deeper with you or Lowell or Jesse, and you guys are all older. No offense.”
“None taken, and you’re right. He doesn’t. But it’s hard for you to understand him. Maybe because you’re polar opposites. You’re bright as the day, optimistic, and positive, and Ryan is…not. He’s the night, dark and moody. He can’t understand you any more than you can see life through his eyes.”
“But where does that leave me?”
Wander smiled. “You’re determined to break through his walls, aren’t you?”
Was that what he was doing? “Not consciously, but I want him to be a part of this, of our ohana circle.”
“I love that you see us as a family.”
“I really do.”
“Did you know my vision was always to live together with a group of like-minded people? You know, Doms and subs, people in the lifestyle. Be a family and do scenes together.”
Alex hesitated. “Is that still your vision? Because…I don’t mean to be rude, but Burke is not…”
Wander nodded slowly. “He’s a sub, but he’s not on board with a lifestyle like that yet. And to be honest, I don’t know if he ever will be. Like your Ryan, he’s got a past and carries considerable baggage with him.”
“He’s notmyRyan,” Alex protested, though a rush had flared up inside him at those words.
“No?”
“No! What gave you that idea? I told you I’m not interested in a relationship with him. Not that he’d ever want one with me. Neither of us is the type.”
Wander put his coffee down and leaned forward. “That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo. You are very much the type…and also very muchhistype. The only problem is that despite both of you being in the lifestyle, albeit he much longer than you, you both still think of relationships in the traditional way.”
“What do you mean?” Alex had lost him.