Page 35 of No Rules
“Who says I’m running?” He knew where this conversation was headed, and part of him wanted to shut it down before it went any further.
“Mom and I love you, and we hate seeing you like this.” Rachelle seemed undeterred by his defensive stance. “You’ve got to let go of your guilt. Quinton’s death wasn’t your fault, and if you’re honest with yourself, you know it.”
Ryan clenched his jaw, shifting his gaze skyward to avoid meeting her eyes. “It’s not that simple, Rach.”
Deep down, he knew they were right. He couldn’t keep holding on to the past, torturing himself over a tragedy he couldn’t have predicted or prevented. But accepting that reality felt like a betrayal, like admitting he didn’t care enough about Quinton to honor his memory.
“Maybe it is if you let it be.” Rachelle squeezed his hand. “You can’t change what happened, but you can choose how you move forward.”
Ryan sighed, staring into the darkness as he wrestled with his thoughts. He didn’t want to move forward. He didn’t want to let go of the anger, the guilt, and the pain that had become his constant companions. Because if he did, he’d have to face the even more terrifying prospect of vulnerability, of opening himself up to the possibility of love and loss.
Once again, Alex popped into his mind. Wasn’t it funny how he kept thinking of him, even though he’d literally seen him the day before? He couldn’t possibly miss him, not this soon. And yet everything reminded him of Alex. The boy was getting under his skin, but why? What did Alex have that others didn’t?
They were a good match sexually. He couldn’t deny that. Their kinks and needs lined up perfectly. But it was more than that because he liked working with him as well. Alex was smart and had shown far more insight than Ryan had expected from someone as young as Alex. His initial irritation over being paired with him had vanished completely, and now he actually looked forward to spending every day with him on the job. Such a weird experience.
In another universe, he and Alex might be well-matched. Alex was very different from Quinton, but Ryan could easily see himself growing attached to the boy. The problem was that he could never be the man Alex needed. Every time his thoughts went there, every time he even considered more with him than just sex, he shut that down immediately. He wasn’t good enough for Alex. Alex deserved so much better than an eternal dark cloud that would hide his sunshine and, over time, dim it.
No, Ryan couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do that to Alex, and even more, he couldn’t open himself up ever again. Losing Quinton had damn near killed him. If he grew attached to Alex, he’d allow the possibility of getting hurt like that again. Not even because something would happen to Alex. Ryan didn’t expect him to die or anything. But at some point, Alex would grow tired of Ryan’s grumpy ass and show him the door, and then what? He couldn’t let his heart get broken like that a second time because he’d barely survived the first.
But damn, he missed him something fierce.
11
When he stepped out of his bedroom, Alex barely had time to register Ryan’s presence before he pushed him back into his room and slammed him against the wall, their bodies colliding with a force that left him breathless. Ryan gripped his waist, anchoring him against the cool, unforgiving surface, then kicked the door shut.
“Ryan,” Alex gasped, but any protest died on his lips as Ryan captured them in a desperate, hungry kiss. The world narrowed to the taste of Ryan’s mouth, the heat of his body pressing against Alex’s, and the intensity of the emotions coursing through him. Funny how Alex could go from zero to one hundred fucking percent turned on within seconds. Sex hadn’t even been on his mind that morning, but as soon as he tasted Ryan, he couldn’t think of anything else. An unsettling realization.
The rough texture of the wall scraped against Alex’s back as their lips locked in a heated kiss. The hunger in Ryan’s touch was unmistakable, a raw need that defied any attempt at restraint. Ryan’s hands roamed Alex’s body without hesitation, mapping out every curve and contour through the fabric of his clothes. It was maddening how Ryan seemed to know exactly where to caress him, igniting a fire that developed into a raging inferno in no time. Alex arched into the touch, desperate for more.
“Such an eager little thing,” Ryan murmured against Alex’s lips. He gripped Alex’s thigh and lifted it to wrap around his waist as he ground their hips together. “Always so fucking horny.”
Rough hands shoved under Alex’s shirt, finding his nipple. He gasped, yearning pooling in his lower abdomen. Fuck, he had missed Ryan. Two days had seemed like so much longer. He needed this connection, this primal dance of dominance and submission that came so naturally between them. “Ryan…”
“Patience,” Ryan chided as he leaned back. “I’m going to take my time with you. Well, as much time as possible, considering we have work to do. But I’ve gone two days without your sweet ass and mouth to please me, so I need you.”
I need you.Alex knew he shouldn’t read too much into that statement. Ryan needed him to take care of him. He needed Alex to be his fuck toy so he could release some energy. Nothing more than that. Yet the words hit deep, sinking their invisible claws into Alex until they echoed in his brain. Ryan needed him. “Whatever you want…”
“Fuck, you’re so perfect.” Ryan nipped at Alex’s bottom lip. A shiver shot down Alex’s spine. Why was that mix of praise and pain such a turn-on?
With a swift movement, Ryan found Alex’s belt, undid it, and slid his pants down. Ryan trailed his fingers down Alex’s chest, his touch featherlight as he dipped below the waistband of his boxers. Alex’s breath hitched as Ryan wrapped his hand around his throbbing cock and gave it a firm stroke.
His hips bucked forward involuntarily, seeking greater friction from those strong fingers around him. He felt exposed and vulnerable under Ryan’s intense gaze, but at the same time, there was something intoxicating about letting go and giving in to his desires.
Ryan released his cock, grinning wickedly. “Let’s kiss some more.”
Asshole. But how could Alex complain when kissing Ryan made him feel so, so good? His heart pounded as he tried to process the onslaught of sensations coursing through him—the wall scratching against his back, the heat of Ryan’s body pressed against his own, and the intoxicating mix of excitement, fear, and arousal that was driving him insane.
Ryan tore his mouth away from Alex’s lips, a thin thread of saliva connecting them for an instant before the bond was severed. The heat of Ryan’s breath ghosted over Alex’s skin as he trailed hot wet kisses down his neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive spots. Shivers skittered down his spine.
“Ah, fuck.” Alex arched his neck to give Ryan better access. The slight burn of pain only heightened his pleasure, as did the knowledge he’d be wearing a necklace of bruises as a reminder of this moment.
“Like that, do you?” The vibrations of Ryan’s voice against his skin sent another thrill through Alex. He wanted more. So much more. More of Ryan’s touch, more of his teasing words, more of everything they had together.
“Y-yes,” he stammered, struggling to form coherent thoughts.
Ryan dropped kisses across Alex’s collarbone while his free hand moved to the waistband of his own pants, deftly undid them, and freed his throbbing erection. Fabric rustled, and Alex’s heart raced with anticipation.
Ryan let him go, only to drag down Alex’s underwear. “Kick it off.”