Page 60 of Ruthless Ends
Her jaw tightens, but she says nothing.
“Or never mind that, what about the hundreds, maybe thousands, of other insults you’ve thrown at me over the years? What about you telling me you wish I’d died instead of Calla? Or this?” I yank my sleeve up, showing the scar she purposefully left behind on my forearm. “Or my perfume? You poisoned it, didn’t you?”
She doesn’t blink, and very calmly, she says, “Yes.”
I think I’d already known the truth deep down but hearing her confirm it is still so much worse. I shake my head and turn away from her.
“Valerie—”
“No.”
“Valerie.” She grabs my arm and yanks me to a stop, then steps around to force herself into my sight. “You have no idea the lengths I’ve gone to protect you. You hate me because I made sure that you would. Your final trial for initiation was to kill Connor because the queen saw your loyalty to him as a threat. And he was just a boyfriend. How do you think she felt whenherMarionette went and had children?”
I stumble back a step as if her words physically struck me.
“It started with Calliope, but she was willing to let it slide as long as I performed at the same level I did before. But then I had you, and—” She breaks off and clenches her jaw, an emotion I can’t read filling her eyes. “You almost didn’t make it,” she murmurs. “You were so small, and it took magic practically around the clock to keep you breathing for the first few weeks. You were so…breakable. I knew you would never survive in an environment like ours. Not like that.”
I grit my teeth, a tear escaping the corner of my eye.
“But I could feel the power in you, even back then. Even before you were…” She trails off, her hand coming to her stomach. “I knew what you could grow up to be. I just had to make sure you survived that long. But if the queen saw that, that…attentionon you, she would’ve taken more notice. And with the two of us bound together, I could never keep that much from her. So yes, I was a monster to you. To all of you. Because if I hadn’t been, you would’ve been too soft to make it. Because if I hadn’t been, it would’ve been the three of you on that throne room floor while she demanded I provemyloyalty. So you can hate me all you want, Valerie, but everything I have done has been to keep you alive.”
I stop bothering to try keeping the tears back. They stream down my cheeks as a montage of memories plays. Every insult, every hit, every punishment. There had been little pockets though, when the cruelty would subside. When I’d see a glimpse of an entirely different version of her. But then she’d catch herself, and over the years, I convinced myself I’d imagined those better moments, twisted dreams into memories.
“And the poison?” I manage.
She shakes her head. “It was a gamble. Magnolia helped come up with the potion. We’dhopedit might suppress your vampire side, or at least the most noticeable aspects of it, until you made it through initiation. At the very least, I thought it might make you stand out less in your tasks so the queen wouldn’t notice how much more powerful you were than your peers.”
“You could have told me.”
The softness in her eyes fades, replaced with a look I’m much more familiar with. “I could have done a lot of things differently, Valerie. But I made the choices I made, and I have to live with them.”
“How are you here then? If you don’t have your magic?” I gesture around us. “What isthis?”
“You could feel the difference in this memory, couldn’t you? You could tell it didn’t belong to him?”
I nod.
“That’s because it belongs to me. Magic always leaves a trace, and even if I might not be able to do what I once could, I still have that connection to the traces I’ve left.”
“So, what? You knew I’d come looking for this?”
She blinks like she’s surprised by the question. “No. I merely locked it away sohewouldn’t remember it. So he wouldn’t question what happened—anything that might get in the way of the two of you being paired. I had no idea you would come here. But I felt it when you stepped into this memory, like a security system.”
A gust of wind rushes past us, the surrounding image of Vasiliev starting to blur. She grabs both of my arms, forcing her face right in front of mine.
“I understand what I’m asking you to do is unthinkable. But it must be done, and I can’t help you now. Your father’s cause might have been a noble one to begin with, but with all of the magic he’s absorbed over the years, tinged with the life forces of their owners, he’s changed. It’s rewired his brain so much that he’s not in his right mind anymore. He can’t lead this many people. We can’t let him have this kind of power. He’s beyond reasoning with.”
“So you want me to what, take over his mind so I can give that power toyou?”
Her lips press into a hard line. “He believes his vision for a more inclusive government can’t live if the monarchies do, which means he isn’t going to leave a single royal vampire alive. He thinks they’ll always pose too much of a threat. The same goes for anyone who sides with them. If we don’t stop him, Valerie, he will kill them all—”
CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
I come backto reality like someone physically grabs me by the hair and yanks me out of Reid’s head. No, not by my hair, by the bond.
Vertigo tears through my system, the disorientation so strong for a moment I can’t tell which way is up. The colors are too bright, the sounds too loud.
“We have to go.”