Page 121 of Until Now
I toe off my heels, swallowing my sigh of relief. But I stare at Archer’s apron, the sleeves of his jumper rolled to the elbows, the spread of candles on the dining table, and I say, ‘What do you want?’
He doesn’t turn. ‘Why would I want anything?’
Because every time you do something nice for me, you use it against me to get what you want.But I say none of that. Despite knowing I’ll regret letting him do this one thing for me—despite not wanting to indulge in the gammon—I sink into a chair at the table. Because any day he isn’t shouting at me is a day I’ll take.
Maybe, just for one night, I can pretend he’s everything I want.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Love Isn’t Everything
Amelia scowls at the woman wearing a floral scarf as the old hag turns to scurry towards the lift. Glide is actually a better word for it. Her chin is raised and her shoulders are pushed back, as if she had every right to grimace at Emmy and say ‘I’ve no idea why women wear those rings in their noses. You’d be a pretty girl, too. Such a shame.’
‘Bet she has a twelve-inch vibrating dildo in that fucking luggage bag,’ Emmy growls at the retreating woman. She doesn’t turn to me to bicker about it, but right now, all I want to do is hug her.
In a hotel as prestige as this one, it’s common for Emmy to be on the receiving end of sneering, privileged women. And yet, never once has she removed her septum. But then, I guess if anyone is determined to prove to people that she doesn’t answer to anyone but herself, it’s Emmy. I’ve lost count of the texts she’s sent in a furious, seething craze after being out with Jessica and having homophobic insults thrown at the both of them.
Jessica can’t handle it as well as Emmy can, which is why Emmy often goes out alone.
As much as I want to hug her, I need to settle things between us first.
I clear my throat. ‘Married or Single?’ I challenge, flicking my gaze towards the couple lounging on a golden sofa, their hands clasped as they scroll on their phones.
Emmy scowls and sneaks a covert glance at them. I can see she wants to ignore me, but I also know she’s been dying to ask me the same thing all morning as people checked in. ‘Married,’ she answers, and goes back to clicking on her computer.
‘Really? I would’ve said single.’
‘They’re holding hands.’
‘So?’
‘So they want to be close to each other, even though they’re doing their own thing.’
‘Oh.’ I bite my lip and take a deep breath before I say, ‘I’m really sorry for what I said the other night. I just…I panicked. I’m not making excuses for how I acted, I just—‘ God, I’m not making any sense at all. ‘I understand if you’re mad at me, but I didn’t mean what I said. I’m really, really sorry, Em.’
She narrows her eyes at me. ‘Why would I be mad at you?’
I blink. ‘I told you—‘
‘Yeah, I know what you said.’ She clicks something on the mouse and strides to the printer, her heels clopping on the marble. As she sits back down, she says, ‘Look, I don’t want to be one of those people who tell you that you deserve better and you should end your relationship, because that’s something you’ll have to come to on your own, but…’ She staples two sheets of paper together. ‘I worry about you, Frankie.’
My laugh is shaky. I don’t want to have this conversation. Not ever. I try to hide the tremble in my hands by picking up my own stapler and helping her secure the policy forms.
‘I know you don’t want to talk about it—‘
‘Then don’t—‘
‘But I’ve known you for nearly two years now. When I first met you, you were this annoying girl who wouldn’t shut up about bees and how the hotel’s courtyard is too bare and how it needs trees and shit, but now you’re just miserable. All the time. You barely say anything, and your smile never reaches your eyes, and you’re always checking your phone—‘
‘I’m trying to get triple stars on Leaf Cup onMario Kart.’
She makes a face. ‘Leaf Cup doesn’t even have Rainbow Road in it.’
‘Iknow, but those spiny shells—‘
‘Back to the point.’ I grit my teeth. ‘Archer controls you, Fran.’
‘You’ve never even met him. Not properly, anyway.’