Page 81 of Until Now

‘The Office. The U.S remake. It’s gold.’ He clears his throat. ‘We should watch it.’

I don’t tell him it’s my favourite show as I stick it on.

I’m not sure how long we sit there for, laughing and snorting and mocking the characters, but the weight on my chest eases, and for a moment, it’s easy to imagine Chase Maverick as my friend. For some time, it seems as though that’s all he is, but then I begin to wonder if that’s all love is. If love is just spending time with your best friend.

Maybe that’s why I struggle with Archer. Why we don’t seem to have a friendship at all—because I’m so focused on being his girlfriend that I’ve completely skipped the part where he becomes my best friend.

My lids grow heavy. I vaguely feel myself leaning into his shoulder, and I think he puts his arm around me so my cheek presses against his chest, but maybe I imagine it.

Maybe I just dream the entire thing.

Because when I wake a few hours later, he’s gone. My head is propped on a pillow and a blanket is thrown over me.

Maybe he wasn’t here at all.

???

Ping ping!

I groan and roll over.

It’s Kai.

Have I done something wrong?

I swallow down the lump in my throat and scroll through his most recent texts.

He’s accepted a job offer abroad for a race car mechanic apprenticeship, and he leaves end of May after he graduates. He also thinks his piano is haunted because he swears it plays its keys during the night, and he had to rescue a goat from his roof yesterday, and he took my advice and listened to The Maine and he feels stupid he didn’t discover them sooner.

My fingers hover over the keyboard. I want to share his excitement about his new adventure, and I want to ask if he’s certain there’s no more hamsters in the piano, and I want to talk about this mysterious goat, and I want to give him a list of all the best The Maine songs, but I close my eyes, lock my phone, and press it against my forehead.

I can’t explain anything to him without dropping Archer in it. He doesn’t even know I’mwithArcher. I haven’t told Kai because I was afraid things would be weird between us, that our conversations would become filtered and careful. And that was why I love talking to Kai so much, that freedom to say whatever pops into my head.

But I want to progress things with Archer. I want to get to know him, and in order for me to accomplish that, he needs to trust me. How can he do that if I’m talking to another guy? How can he do that if I betray his trust?

I’m about to shimmy back under the covers when my phonepingsagain.

Kai:at least let me know if you’re okay, Cucumber

Despite myself, I smile.

Me:I’m okay

Tears spring to my eyes as I watch three dots appear, then disappear.

He doesn’t reply.

Chapter Seventeen

Please Help Me

‘Ikeep thinking I’ve forgotten something.’

Cassie casts her eyes skyward. ‘Literally all you need is alcohol and makeup. You’ll probably be wearing the same clothes every day, anyway.’

I know she’s annoyed Brad isn’t coming to the festival, but I take a deep breath and try to remember what I’ve packed.

I think I have everything. Maybe I just feel guilty for leaving my dad for three days. It’s not like I haven’t cooked him food and frozen it for him to warm up, but still.